Selling Ice to Eskimos

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Eskimos live in cold places. They have plenty of ice sitting around, and they can make more any time they want it. Wouldn't it be great, though, if we could sell them our ice? We can carve it out of the same places they get theirs, and then convince them that our ice is better than their ice so they'll buy it from us. The only problem I foresee is that they'll only be able to pay us in fish, and I don't think Walmart takes fish as a payment option for giant-screen TVs, though I could be wrong. Even if they do, I'm not sure what the exchange rate is.

But maybe we can do something equally preposterous. Maybe we can sell water to people who are already paying for a residential water system. We'll bottle it up and sell it for ridiculous prices.

Maybe you're wondering why people would buy our water when it would be so much cheaper and easier for them to simply drink water out of their faucet like they used to do even 10 years ago, or, if they don't like the impurities, why they don't buy a water filter and a reusable container, like a glass or a water bottle.

Simple.



We'll claim it's healthier or tastes better or something. We'll pretend there are advantages to drinking our water. We'll con some celebrity into liking us, and then get them to endorse us to their celebrity friends and all their fans. It's not hard at all, if we simply do it the way the inventors of Scientology did.

We'll use all the same marketing techniques that the soft drink makers use. Essentially we'll equate it in the minds of people to BE soft drinks, except healthier AND cheaper. We'll avoid all comparisons to tap water, because we can't possibly compete with free. The RIAA and MPAA have sued thousands of their own customers for billions of dollars to prove it, so I'm pretty sure it's true. It explains why Windows can dominate the market when they charge hundreds of dollars when Linux is free and no one's ever heard of it. Nope, we're not going to compete with free tap water, so get that unproductive idea out of your head.

By putting ourselves against soft drinks, and being a healthier and cheaper alternative, we can't lose. Before you know it, all those landfills will be full of OUR bottles instead of Coke and Pepsi's bottles.

Where to get this magical water? Why from the same place everyone already gets their water! It's the ultimate irony, selling someone something they're already paying someone else for! We'll filter out the smells and colors, of course, since we say we've got pure water in our bottles, but nothing special; just enough to get the job done so we don't have any complainers saying we're not what we say we are.

With the proper marketing slant, we'll usurp the soft drink empires. It will take some time for this con to take hold, but once it does, the profits will be astronomical!

So, anyone want to invest in a sure thing?

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