What do half a million bikers look like

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I want to thank everyone for making the 14th anniversary of my 25th birthday the best party I've had in a long time! I've got big plans for next year, when I hit the BIG ONE FIVE! Even my stalkers paid homage by leaving me alone for the duration. You can't ask for more than that, can you?

A few months ago I finally checked out Facebook, and through it, re-met a bunch of guys I used to know in the Navy while I was on the Bataan, including one sweet little heartbreaker who can't stop telling me how funny and smart I am. (I don't mean the married ones.) We've got a lot in common, but she lives a few hundred miles away and I promised myself I wouldn't take any big trips until I got something published, so now I want to get that done so I can see if she'll make good on all her flirting.

Then last week, half a million bikers came to see me for my birthday. Some of them also celebrated Daytona Beach's 70th Bike Week. I took one of my lady friends downtown that first weekend to check everything out. She makes for a great biker babe, if you guys are looking for a girl who's smart and about to publish a book about anceint Egyptian religion and prophecies that came true. Cool stuff! And she's almost done with the second draft. I gotta tell ya, guys, it's great someone as smart as her trusts me to edit her work. Don't get any ideas, though, because I'm not doing this professionally. (Unless you hit me with a really big check!)

We saw a ton of super-awesome bikes, including one that looked like it came out of a 1940's junkyard (I call it the Redd Foxx bike), a dragon bike, an airplane bike, and some unbelievable paint jobs. And some really interesting bikinis. Yes, those are painted on.

Then my favorite nephew arrived with a couple of his best buds, and they tore up the skateboard park something gnarly! I took a few videos of them. They'll blow your mind!

I took them downtown too, and we did some club-hopping, where we had to fight off all the girls. Much as we wanted to, we couldn't take home every girl who wanted to come. Most had to stay behind and wait for our return. A quick tip, ladies: jealousy is hot as long as it's not destructive. You start tearing up property, and I don't want anything to do with you. The exception is when it exposes more female flesh.

We rode around town a couple more days while the weather cooperated, and whipped out the MegaMonopoly and Munchkin when it didn't. I'm proud to say there's still something I can whoop them at, and it's called games. Not every time, but I won more than my share. I'm really glad I got to hang out with them and get reconnected with that part of who I am. All you people who are getting old, go hang out with your kids for a while without judging them and just absorb what they have to offer. Be a part of it. You'll be amazed at yourself.

Finally, the boys left yesterday, giving me some time to catch up on my writing. I'm so behind! I had to whip out this article so fast I couldn't even spell-check it, and now I need to write a couple more good ones and put them in the queue so I can then get back to work on some really good books.

What if the Civil War had started in 1821, before the North had a strong industrial base to defeat the South with? What if a woman who thinks she lacks only a husband fell in love with her disinterested rescuer while they both had to dodge a killer? What if a woman fell in love with her own stalker and had to rebuild her ruined life and career? What if a man had to ask his wife to become a stripper to feed their kids and one of her clients abducted her for a white-slavery ring? If the Sun was going to blow up in 30 years, would we be able to escape to other stars in time?

A lot of good ideas start with asking yourself what would happen if.

Not just books, either, but even in your real life. If life was simple, what would it be like? If you had no limits on time or money, what would you be doing? So what's stopping you? What if you could overcome those limits, would you go for it? What would it take to overcome those limits?

I ask myself these kinds of things once in a while. I should do it even more. So should you. And then let your mind come up with the answers in its own good time. Usually it just takes a few minutes to a day or two.

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A Dry Feet Shower

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I'm not an especially hairy guy, but I've got some, and over the years I've lived here, I've managed to clog the sink and bathtub a few times. Good ol' Liquid Drano bails me out every time.

However, a couple months ago, when I had to do my annual Drano ritual, it didn't work. Neither sink nor tub would drain, meaning it took extra effort to clean my shavings out of the sink and I had to stand in water during my shower. The liquid form of Drano failed me, so I tried the gel. It had worked last couple times, but this time it too failed. I tried that new dual-Drano, you know, the foaming one that's supposed to be super-effective.

Didn't make a dent in it.

I didn't know what to do! I'd spent about $30 without result. With both drains clogged, surely I'd need to call a plumber to run a snake down there. I hemmed and hawed and thought about it for a while, doing my best to withstand the horrid tragedy of having to stand in water during a shower.

Finally, I broke down and asked my dad what I should do.

Next thing you know, he shows up with a bottle of some other brand of liquid drain cleaner. It looked like it was industrial strength. He poured some down each drain, and 15 minutes later ran water down, and sure enough, it drained! Yay!

Now my feet can stay dry in the shower and I can easily rinse out my sink after a shave. Now if I could just get this stupid low-flow toilet to flush properly all the time...

In other news, tomorrow at the Daytona Beach library, we've got a guest speaker, Vic DiGenti! Exciting times! Hurry on down, the meeting starts at 12:15, and we'll probably be going over to Stavro's about 2:30 or so for the after-party. Weather-permitting I'll be riding my motorcycle in celebration of my county-wide birthday party, which the locals affectionately call "Bike Week". People come from all over the country and all over the world to wish me a happy birthday. Get in on the action! Get me one of these for my birthday!


















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More articles which will interest or entertain you:
The 'Israelification' of airports: High security, little bother
Maps are freakin' awesome
How to Talk Like a Trucker

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Shh-it's a Secret!

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Thanks to Jay Leno for that headline...

I just wanted everyone to know that THIS GIRL LOVES ME!! (So nya!)

You may be seeing a lot more of her around here later, so start liking her, or I'll write you out of my will. (You guys ARE aware you can click on the pics for a closeup, right?)

Shortly after this picture was taken, the tree fell into the water. She started flailing and screaming about how she was drowning, and wanted me to jump in and save her. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't going in there after her, there could be gators in that water! Besides, climbing on the tree was HER idea.

"Stand up!" I shouted at her, and finally she did. The water wasn't even hip-deep. It's practically a flooded field. I'm not sure what you call that kind of waterway, it's just a waterland that ebbs and flows with the tide.

So she wades back to the shore and she's dripping wet and I'm still laughing my butt off at her. She's grinning, embarrassed, and a little startled, as she takes a look at what happened. Seems the tree wasn't as firmly planted in the ground as she thought. "Real smart going out there," I tease, the laughter subsiding.

"If you got a good picture, it was worth it," she answers.

"Hope so." We start heading back to the car, and then I realize, I don't want her dripping in my car! So I tell her, "You're gonna hafta dry out. Go lay out on that other palm tree until you're dried off."

Oddly enough, she doesn't like the idea. She seems to think she needs a shower first. To say nothing about learning her lesson.

So I don't unlock her door, and I get in and drive off. She can walk home, it'll do her some good. It's only about 8 miles, she's half my age, she can make it, no problem. She's complaning about being a couple pounds too heavy, even though she's 5'2 and barely 100 pounds soaking wet. At least I got a good picture out of it.

I'm just kidding about all that, of course. The tree is just fine.

You know, looking at that picture, you wouldn't think it was possible to take a bad picture of a girl like that, but I've got about a dozen pictures I took while she was here, and that's the only decent one. Well, there's another decent one, but it's taken a few seconds before this one, and she's not looking in quite the right direction, so it's not nearly as good. The rest, her hair is flying in her face, or she's looking in the wrong direction (that's the danger of taking candids), or it's fuzzy. But this one came out good.

What do you guys think? Should she be a model or should she be a model? And I should be a photographer, right? Use the comments for your opinions on the matter. Don't bother asking for her phone number, I'm very jealous about her and I wouldn't want to be forced to kick your butt. Normally I'm not jealous, but she's special. Who she is will have to remain a secret, so as to keep with the title of the story.

In other news, I've got Expose Yourself #2 written and ready to publish, but the person it's about is having website problems and she wants me to wait until she can get them resolved. Who is it? I'll give you a clue: she's super-cute and she owns a restaurant. Nope, it's not Crissy Taylor again! This woman has running restaurants in her very blood because she's spent her life rebuilding them. I'm very excited to get to meet her, not least of all because she's from another country and she really likes me. She called me a great guy today, and shyly punched me in the arm, just like Lacey did. Actually, she reminds me a lot of Crissy, in that she's very cute, very sweet, very shy, and too darned married for my personal taste!

The fine gentleman I originally slotted for #2 backed out at the last minute due to a scheduling conflict, but he'll probably be ready to go in a few months. You'll like him a lot too. BUT, in the meantime, I need to find someone for #3, hopefully to be published November 1st to get me back on schedule. Anyone in the Daytona Beach area got some inspiration to share?

Also, do you know what October 14th is? As you may recall, it's National Talk like a Trucker Day! This year's celebration will actually be the first time it's celebrated, because when I declared it last year, it had already passed. Doh!

October 14th is also the official beginning of Biketoberfest! The place is already starting to reek of bike noise. That will go on until the following Sunday, the 17th, so it's not quite the event that Bike Week is in March, which, as you'll recall, is actually my birthday party.

Next weekend there's an Air Show in Daytona Beach! I plan on being there at some point, come on down!

Lastly, I might be getting some guest bloggers in here. You've noticed my followers have tripled recently; well, they're set to continue to rise, and I'm asking some of the current ones if they'd like to speak to you, my legion of readers who rarely leave comments with your XBOXes and Java clients. (See the recent article about this site's statistics.)

That's all that's important for now. Have a good night, and be good to each other, because if you don't, who will?

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