I Deserve a Break Today

Tweet

Dear McDonald's,

I have loved eating your food for as long as I can remember. My dad worked for you when he was a kid and I did as well. We both have good memories from those times and are glad for the experience. Plus, I find it very flattering that the Double Quarter Pounder was created in homage to the Bigger Mac I invented during my tenure, but it would be nice to get a royalty check or at least a credit on the website which I can use to impress my friends.



Several years ago, you began to show signs that you no longer wanted my business by raising prices to the point where I could no longer have a meal for under $5. But then you introduced the Extra Value Meal and made it possible for me to continue our love affair. And then a few years later, you again raised prices to discourage my patronage. But then you introduced the Dollar Menu, and put the Double Cheeseburger, Small Fries, and Small Drink on it, and induced me to continue spending money. But you continued to raise prices, to the point where you even stole a slice of cheese from my sandwich and rebranded the result as a McDouble, but you also raised the prices of drinks and fries too ridiculously high for such a small serving.

The most recent blow has been that you've started charging for water. No, not the bottled water, which any idiot or desperately thirsty person will pay $1-$2 for, but regular tap water. I also have been finding it harder to find the McDouble for $1, and it's nearly impossible to find a Small Fries for $1. The Any Size Drink for $1 was a nice idea, but I no longer drink pop, thanks in part to you.

Personally, I think it's a crime to charge for something which costs you nothing, but I do realize that everything is worth what someone will pay for it. That works both ways, though. It means that after nearly 40 years of patronage, if I cannot find a reasonable price for any of your products, I must say a tearful goodbye.

But, you clever bastards, you went and made internet free. Even in California (or at least in the one store I went to out there a few weeks ago). Considering that providing internet service costs almost nothing, but creates a desire for internet addicts to sit in your store, get hungry as they surf, and buy something out of a false sense of obligation, I don't understand why more places don't offer it. I am shocked and amazed that the major truckstop companies continue to charge for a service which most people can get for free (often IN the truckstop itself!), but then I'm also amazed they can keep a straight face when they offer a "sale" on something by charging 50% - 100% more than what you'd pay if you just went to Walmart (which often has room for trucks to park). And since I like internet so much, because it lets me swap out emails in about 30 seconds, I find myself coming back into the store and occasionally buying something, despite your expressed wishes against doing business with people who prefer to get value for their hard-earned money.

I gave up my favorite Quarter Pounders because you priced me out of them. I gave up Fries because you priced me out of them. I have no problem giving up the bastardized McDoubles if you price me out of them too. Your free internet ploy may have gotten me to hesitate in severing all contact with you, but it will not obligate me to overpay for things which ruin my diet anyway.

PLEASE reconsider your position.

PS: Is anyone falling for that Daily Double monstrosity? Paying an extra dollar for lettuce on their Double Cheeseburger (or is it a McDouble)? I know there are a lot of suckers out there, but that's got to be pressing your luck big time.

Ten Missing Days

Tweet

A year is 365 days long, right? Well, not exactly. Sometimes, like this year, the year is 366 days long. This happens every four years, on years divisible by 4. You already knew that, right?

Did you know that some years which are divisible by 4 are NOT leap years?

A little history will explain:




In 46 BC, Julius Caesar created what's known as the Julian calendar. It had 365 days per year, except every four years there was an extra day added in February. Just like today, right? Almost.

Though this gives an average year-length of 365.25 days, the year is actually a little bit shorter, about 11 minutes shorter. This adds up to three fewer days every 400 years, which means that in a 400 year span, there needs to be only 97 leap days, not 100 as the Julian calendar prescribes.

By 1582 AD, the calendar had drifted 10 whole days away from its proper date, which was screwing up the proper day on which to celebrate Easter, not to mention the seasons showing up at the wrong time. So Pope Gregory the 13th created something called called a papal bull, which is basically a decree for the whole world.

Of course, back then, as now, something less than the whole world paid attention to the Pope's decrees, but the Catholic world did pay attention, so that Thursday, October 4th was followed by Friday, October 15th. Ten days had to be skipped in order to get the calendar back on track, but at the time, only a handful of countries observed the change.

Over the years, more countries adopted the change until finally, the last Christian countries to do so, Russia and Greece, did so in the early 20th century and had to skip 13 days. (The October Revolution occurs in November because at the time, Russia was still on the Julian calendar.)

This new calendar, dubbed the Gregorian calendar, follows a slightly different rule than the Julian calendar. Every four years a leap day is added, UNLESS the year is divisible by 100... UNLESS the year is divisible by 400. So 1900 would normally have been a leap year, but it actually wasn't. However, the year 2000 WAS a leap year because it's divisible by 400. When we get to 2100, it will NOT be a leap year, nor will be 2200 or 2300, but 2400 will be.

Neat, huh?

If you plan on living that long, you'll see for yourself.

Here's some fascinating history of the Julian calendar and the Gregorian calendar.

.

Fearmongering Scientists

Tweet.

You know how, later this year, the world is going to end on December 21, 2012? Today between 11:00 and 12:00 I heard Astronomer Phil Plait on WHYY internet radio trying to convince us all that it's just not true.

First, he used flimsy arguments to dismiss the arrival of the planet Nibiru, AKA Planet X, which will collide with Earth on that fateful day. According to Dr. Plait, any planet bound by the Sun's gravity (he doesn't explicitly say this, but it's what he meant) which was going to collide with Earth within the next year would be near the orbit of Mars and because of its size (4 times that of Earth) it would be brighter in the sky than Jupiter, which at the moment is easily visible near the moon as a very bright star. He further asserts that such a massive object would have disrupted the orbits of Earth, Mars, and other planets by now with its gravity, something which he says isn't happening.

However, Plait plainly has no idea what he's talking about!

Hello? Reality calling Dr. Phil? Aren't you forgetting something rather important?


Isn't the Solar system a THREE DIMENSIONAL construct? Aren't there things orbiting outside the Ecliptic plane (the plane in which the Earth orbits the Sun)? Isn't it possible that all the telescopes are looking in the wrong place? Couldn't Nibiru be orbiting at an angle oriented -450 degrees from the Ecliptic, and therefore not be where we expect to find it? And if it were there, wouldn't it have a much smaller effect on the planets' orbits, because it was much farther from them? Nibiru doesn't need to collide with the Earth to destroy it, it merely needs to whip past the Sun very quickly, which means it can be traveling far faster than it would otherwise need to if it were going to collide with Earth. Faster speed means it's further still from the distance needed to affect other planets. And maybe they have their cloaking device engaged, the same one Captain Kirk stole from the Romulans.

Simple explanations, really man. You're not fooling anyone.

The self-admitted Bad Astronomer goes on to protest that the increasing activity levels of the Sun have nothing to do with the end of the world. It has been predicted by some that a giant Solar flare will swallow the Earth, burning it to a crisp. Plait dismisses these by claiming there is some sort of cycle to the Sun's activity and that it will reach its peak in 2013 and 2014.

Hello? Even if the Sun wasn't as steady as the day God made it, do you not realize that the Solar Max is merely an average of a prediction, little different than Hurricane Season here on Earth, and that giant solar flares CAN and DO occur at any time, not just during Solar Max, in the same way that hurricanes can and do form outside Hurricane Season?

Really, man, you're being ridiculous here.

And don't you think that if a giant planet whips around the Sun at high speed, making a very close approach, that it might CAUSE giant solar flares?

Plait then goes on to dismiss hurricanes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters which could easily be proven to be caused by the gravitational effects of a giant, invisible planet closing in on us at warp speed, claiming that the millions of scientists around the world who know of this could NOT be coopted or threatened to keep their mouths shut by the MIB, Illuminati, and other government stooges who are hiding the TRUTH that Kennedy was assassinated by Yetis fighting for Tibetan independence.

Yeah, right, Phil. Tell me another one.

Worst of all, Plait then tries to put the burden of proof on those who make what he calls "outlandish claims". First he calls them whackos, then expects them to act in a logical and mature fashion by WORKING to prove something which can be easily seen as the truth with the application of just a little imagination and no small dollop of heroin.

Phil, Phil, Phil. What am I going to do with you? I'll bet you expect your children to show their work on their math homework to "prove" they understand how to get the answer. I'll bet you expect your children to speak English in your house. I'll even bet that at one time you expected your children to appreciate all you've done for them. How cruel and selfish of you. The world doesn't need adults who are capable of rational thought, nor those capable of taking responsibility for themselves! What the world needs is more heroes like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian and Snooki. It needs people who willingly, EAGERLY believe every con job the television and the internet sell them. Really, Phil, how do you expect the super-rich to continue to oppress us if we suddenly realized how ridiculous it was to believe they have our best interests at heart while they're robbing us blind?

What really took the cake for me, personally, as a pseudo-journalist who often invents sensational news stories in an effort to get people to click on my ads so I can make some money off their panic, is that he would interfere in the right of someone to seek a certain, relatively painless death for themselves or their children instead of waiting to see if the prognostications come to pass and possibly suffering a horrible death from being flung into space when the Earth's rotation comes to a sudden halt. Nibiru will be easily observed and its effects felt months before the end. If someone's brain is so defective that they can't stand to wait for the inescapable truth one way or the other, and choose to endure eternal damnation by killing themselves instead of letting God do it at the time of His choosing, then the gene pool will be that much cleaner when the survivors try to rebuild society.

The end is so obviously nigh, Phil Plait, Bad Astronomer. The "proof" you seek is coming. Will you keep denying it with your "rationality" four days later just because Santa Claus visited your house? I'll bet you will.

You're going to be awfully embarrassed when the world ends and you tried to keep people calm and realistic. There's no place for that sort of thing on this planet or any other. I suppose next he'll be telling us the world is warming up and the polar bears are dying off because there's no longer enough ice at the North Pole to block the Northwest Passage.

I will pray for your soul in the coming apocalypse, Phil.
.

We're Better than Bacon

Tweet.

You guys remember the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon thing that was going around a few years ago? As the theory goes, we're all separated from each other by no more than six people. That's kind of like saying that one of my friends and one of your friends has a third friend in common who can complete the link between us and introduce us to each other, no matter who you and I are.

This was based on some research done nearly a century ago by asking people to hand-deliver parcels.

The BBC recently publicized a report that Facebook had analyzed their users' friendships and found that there were LESS than six degrees separating us all. There are a little less than FOUR. That's a lot like saying you and I probably have a friend in common, or at least we each have a friend who knows one of the other's friends.

How did they figure this all out?

If you read the article I linked above, they'll tell you what they did, but I think they made a serious error.

They factored out the celebrity pages, which was smart, but did they factor out all the "FB-friends" people have?

There are a LOT of people who have a LOT of "friends" they don't actually know because nearly all FB games encourage their players to get additional friends to play. Most FB-gamers don't have many ACTUAL friends, and the ones they do have don't want to play the same games, or are tired of being assaulted by game requests. (I know I am.) So they go looking for strangers who are already playing the game and "friend" them. Both people will now be rewarded within the game they play.

On top of that, some people with a lot of ACTUAL friends don't want all those game-related posts and stuff cluttering up their profiles and pissing off their actual friends, so they create a second, game-only account with which they friend anyone and everyone. Many of these accounts bump into the 5000 friend limit.

5000 friends? There may be a handful of people who actually know that many people personally, but most of us can only handle about 50-300 actual friends. There's a hard-wired limit in most humans of about 150 friendships. You may know more people than that, but you're physically unable to maintain a meaningful relationship with them. Think about the people in your life; with how many do you maintain regular, meaningful contact? And how many are merely "acquaintances", or some lower level of familiarity? (Hint: if you don't know where they live and you don't have a standing invitation to come to their house any time you want, and you don't see them more often than once a week, they're not a friend, they're at best an acquaintance.)

If you're at the normal human max of 150 friends, probably no more than 1/4 to 1/3 of them use Facebook, meaning you've got 35-50 legitimate friends on Facebook. You've probably got double or triple that in acquaintances from work or your childhood you hardly spend any time with. These numbers jibe well with my experience, so we'll assume they're somewhat reasonable.

The BBC article states that in the test, the average number of friends each user had was 100. Above, though, we used the human max of 150. The average would be about half that, or 75, which means our other numbers are also cut in half. That means by OUR figuring, a person has 20-25 actual friends and 25-50 acquaintances, for a total average of about 60 people. This is about half what FB says is the average, so either there is rampant FB-friending for games going on (definitely true) or our numbers are off (easily possible), or, most likely, some combination of the two.

But let's say our numbers ARE right. What happens when OUR numbers are LESS THAN Facebook's numbers? The number of degrees goes UP. Fewer people means fewer links, means it takes more steps for one person to reach another.

The article also kindly stated some numbers from three years ago when there were fewer Facebook users. There were still plenty of Facebook games, which means there were still plenty of fake friends and fake accounts for playing those games, but not as many. I've only been on Facebook for a short time, but to my knowledge, the FB gaming boom happened just before I got there.

What that means is their old number is likely to be MUCH closer to the truth than their new number. That is, 4.28 is much more likely to be the actual number than 3.74 is, and I'd feel comfortable wagering that the actual number is higher still. Maybe 4.5. Maybe even as high as 5. That wouldn't surprise me.

What do you think? Share your opinion now.

.

One with Nature

.

Is it just me, or are there a whole lot of 1's going on right now?

I've been waiting for this moment all my life. 11/11/11 11:11:11, just like I waited for 10/10/10 10:10:10 and the ever fun 12:34:56 7/8/90 and 1987/6/5 4:32:10 from my youth. I'm tempted to ridicule numerology-based end-of-the-world prophecies, but there are just so many to choose from.

I will note, though, that every single end-of-the-world prophecy has been proved false and they keep having to make new ones. Some of them, like the narrowly averted Cuban Missile Crisis and the Y2K thingy, weren't exactly ridiculous at the time, they were very nearly disasters which were avoided by people taking action rather than simply waiting them out. That's the major difference between the comical end-of-the-world predictions and the serious ones. I don't ignore or ridicule things like Iranian-supplied nuclear terrorists or North Korean ballistic missile tests, because those are REAL concerns. Things like that are real and require action to keep them from happening. I'm really not sure why the free world allows Iran to even have a nuclear program. Sounds like a bud that should've been nipped.

Okay, that's all the rambling I've got for you. You may resume your regularly scheduled Friday, now that I have distracted the end of the world from smacking you upside the head while you read this. Hug a veteran too!

.

Mathematical Proof of God

.

Hey everyone, I've been a little preoccupied with my fiction writing and other studies this past month, so I didn't get much done website-wise. I've also been monkeying around a little with Facebook, and I've got an article on the way about how evil it is. I'll probably continue to be rare for another month or so, and then I'll be back in the swing of things, with some new people I've asked to Expose Yourself, and even some additional writing staff, so you can get more points of view than just mine. Anyone who's got something they want to contribute to the 5 millionth-most popular website (out of approximately 255 million sites on the internet, so we're in the top 2%!), we are considering submissions.

Today I was made aware of a mathematical proof of God and I felt I needed to stop the whole world and share it with you. They were kind enough to make it very simple for regular people to understand, and they even made a Youtube video out of it.

At first, we're treated to some interesting symmetries within mathematics that you have to see to appreciate. No math skills are necessary to understand them. Then, they start doing what's called "alphabet code" to show you some interesting things about some common words and ideas about how to get ahead in the world.

So first, here's the video, and then I'll tell you what I think of it:


Mathematical Proof of God video

Okay, so they use alphabet code to "prove" the following:

HARDWORK = 98%
KNOWLEDGE = 96%
ATTITUDE = 100%
LOVEOFGOD = 101%

Everyone get that? If you didn't watch the video, you might not understand where these numbers are coming from. See the video and you'll understand how these values were arrived at with "mathematical certainty" to prove that the love of God is 101%.

Okay, so since we're all thinking people here, let's take a look at this critically.

The most popular comment so far is:

BULLSHIT = 103%

That got me thinking. Is bullshit really more than the love of God? Can't we just say

THELOVEOFGOD = 134%

and now God wins? But what if:

GODISNOTREAL = 139%

or

GODISNOTREALYOUDUMBASSONLYIAMREAL = 283%

We're using the same rules, aren't we? So this isn't the "mathematical certainty" we were promised, unless God really ISN'T real, since that's got a higher score. Can't have proof He doesn't exist when we're trying to prove He does, can we?

Let's look at something else.

1 + 2 = 3, true? However, 1 dog + 2 dogs does NOT equal 3 cats, true? Of course. We can't add together different units. It's basic math that we can't add bare numbers together and arrive at a percent, so there's no mathematical certainty here either.

If we want percentages as our answer, we have to add percentages together. However, if you've ever been to a double-discount sale and saw a 70% off sticker, and the cashier takes an additional 30% off, you still had to whip out your checkbook and write a check, didn't you? Let me explain that a little better so you understand why it's important.

Say there's a double-discount sale going on at Sears. They're clearing the whole store so they can clean the floors. You're looking at a $100 dress. (Or, if you're a guy you're looking at a $100 Craftsman toolset.) They're marking things down big time. 70% off everything, with an extra 30% off at the cashier.

70 + 30 = 100, right? However,

70% off + 30% off is NOT 100% off. It's actually 79% off. You're still going to pay $21 for that dress (or toolset). It's not free.

However, the example I gave is for a DISCOUNT. There's a difference between adding PERCENTAGES and adding DISCOUNTS, but it was the easiest way to demonstrate that not all math is simple addition. I'm not going to explain how to add percentages, just believe me when I tell you that this supposed "mathematical proof" of God is looking more and more like the work of a charlatan than of a true believer.

You cannot prove or disprove an all-powerful being like God. Only He can do that because God has the power to define reality and exist outside of it. This is not unlike the ability for an author to create an entire universe and exist outside of it; the characters in his story cannot possibly reach him or understand him. Attempts to usurp a power only God possesses is a fool's errand at best, and arrogant blasphemy at worst. If God felt we needed indisputable proof He exists, He would provide it. People who try to 'prove' God with such easily dismissed 'proofs' come off as con men seeking to part fools and their money. This damages the credibility of those who are seeking to share the Good Word. We don't force our neighbors to convert, we don't attack disbelievers, and we definitely don't hoodwink those we wish to convert. Honesty is the ONLY policy.

There's a reason "Jesus freaks" are giving Christianity a bad name. A few more friends like those and we won't need our enemies any more. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car, and flapping your lips doesn't mean you're saying anything worth hearing. How about instead of shooting ourselves in the foot with ridiculous "proofs" of God and resisting every bit of science, from the world being round to the Theory of Evolution, that we instead embrace the gifts of intelligence and critical thinking God gave us?

_______

 

More articles you'll find ridiculous or obnoxious, yet oddly gripping:
Beatdowns Inc.
Stony King - 2009
Space Links

.

Attack of the 10's!!

.

OMG! We're being attacked by 10's! And I don't just mean hot girls, either!

It's 10/10/10!

Worse, it's also 10:10:10! Fear! Panic! End of the world!

Forget 2012, the zombie apocalypse starts NOW!!!

.

Good Thing these People aren't in Charge of our Economy

.

A couple days ago, I received what I initially thought was an interesting proposal that might actually work. I occasionally get puzzles that other people can't figure out, like the triangle rearranging puzzle and the missing card magic trick and various math-based puzzles. And then I did the math on this one.


Here, let me share with you this particular spam that people have been conned into spreading, so that you can give anyone dumb enough to keep spreading it a well-deserved smackdown. (Or you could sign them up for a beatdown. I'm still running the free special.)

There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg Fl. Times. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,
Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered. Auto Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage. Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes...
Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!

Okay, to get the small potatoes out of the way, yeah, I agree that Congress should be subjected to the same crap they subject us to, but for some reason, no one's watching these watchers nor holding them accountable, so they get to do whatever they want because no one seems to care to hold them to the higher standard they're supposed to be held to.

With that out of the way, let's talk about the reason I'm making this post: On the surface, though this seems like an unusual plan, it might be one that could work. After all, we spend billions on all kinds of ridiculous things, why not something that would actually help? Unless, of course, we do the math.

It seems that this plan has a critical flaw: We don't have $40 TRILLION to spare. That's about the size of the whole WORLD'S economy (according to this page).

I pointed this out to the person who sent it to me, and she politely responded, "I believe giving $1 million each to 40 million people would cost only $40,000,000, not $40 trillion."

See, people don't do the math, and then they wind up embarrassing themselves. They walk into some place like Taco Bell and buy off their *cough* value menu *cough* without ever doing the math to see if they're actually saving anything. (Shockingly, they're not.) They walk into a convenience store and buy... well,... anything. They create grief for other people without ever realizing that in the end, they're creating grief for themselves too.

Whether it's someone creating spam or someone hacking into computers or someone being a total jerk to others or a public official abuses his or her power or we the public let that happen, we all lose.

And there's a second issue here: unbridled belief. There are entirely too many people who have blind belief in things that they don't take a moment to examine logically. I'm talking things from believing that a million million is still a million all the way to people believing that they can't make a difference in the world, or that we should turn off our brains and disacknowledge the patently obvious around us.

Things like Evolution. It's been proven, as much as something like that can be, and yet, there are people so violently opposed to it that they have to have some kind of warning sticker on books that teach it. Millions of dollars are wasted fighting the truth. Strangely, these same people have no problem whatsoever accepting the medical benefits that the Theory of Evolution conveys. Instead these people want to teach Creationism as if it were science. Hello!?! Creationism has nothing to do with science! Science is about finding out how God (or your deity of choice) made the Universe, not about saying, "God made the Universe". Science is about discovering God's miracles; it can't possibly prove or disprove His existence unless He wants it to.

I have someone else who fervently believes that we can't possibly damage the Earth, that we have exactly how much oil we need and there's no need to worry, that someone will find the way. And yet, it's precisely that worrying about the oil running out that motivates us humans to find some other source of energy. Perhaps she's right, and God will give us the answer when we need it, or maybe He expects us to take care of ourselves and clean up our own mess. I don't know about you, but when the Big Man comes for a visit, I don't want the house He left me to be in a shambles.

"So what the hell are you saying, Jaycee?" you're dying to ask. I'll tell you... over the course of the next few years... but I'm willing to bet some of you have already gotten the gist of what I'm saying. In the meantime, keep watching this space.

.