The Undeclared Miss America (and Her Cousin)

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Many famous and interesting people have had brushes with me that served to skyrocket their careers to new heights. If they hadn't met me, chances are you never would've heard of them. Sure, many of them were famous before they met me, but that's just how awesome I am: I can improve your career before you've even met me!

Today's guest is someone I normally wouldn't have talked to, but in June of 2009, some of my friends pestered me into going to see her because they were too scared to do it themselves. I'm glad they did, but I can't see why they're so scared of her; she's gorgeous, polite, shy, sweet, energetic, and doesn't scream or beat the crap out of you if you want to ask her a couple questions about little sis. What more could you ask for in a woman except for her to love only you?



The infamous Crissy Taylor, older sister to the slightly more infamous Lacey Chabert, is owner of the Stonehouse restaurant in the not-too-inconveniently-out-of-the-way town of Purvis, Mississippi, and a delight to spend a few minutes with even if you're one of the unfortunate souls who doesn't know who Lacey is. I found her to be quite a charming and enjoyable young lady. If you're in Mississippi, near Hattiesburg, stopping by to see her won't take long at all. Just go one more exit down I-59 to exit 51, head to town, and at the first light, hang a left; you'll see it from the intersection, next to the McDonald's and BP. You can't miss it!


View Larger Map

(On this map, the marker may be placed incorrectly. If you look at the street view, you'll see it.)

The Stonehouse needs no sign to tell you what it is, which is a good thing, because it doesn't have one.

Stepping inside, you feel like you're walking into someone's home. When I first walked in, I was actually afraid I'd done just that. After a moment, I realized that this was an awfully big dining room to take up so much of the interior of the house, with an awful lot of tables and chairs, so I was probably not about to be arrested for breaking and entering. This small building used to be an actual residence that sat idle in the middle of town for many years until Crissy bought it, renovated it into a restaurant, and decorated the interior to look like her own home.

There's a cozy-looking fireplace, which is decorated with some family regalia. At Christmas time, she decorates it with a tree and tinsel and stockings. There are several pictures on the walls commemorating some of the town's history and portraying some of the family (though I didn't recognize anyone). The dining room consumes most of the interior of the structure, and can seat about 30 people. The kitchen is set off into one corner, and in a house this small, it's appropriately small and cozy too. This all felt somewhat familiar to me; I grew up in a small town like Purvis, in a house that had a kitchen big enough that my whole family ate all our meals in it, with my grandmother just down the street in a similar house, and the Stonehouse felt a lot like that.

I arrived just before lunch was starting in earnest, just after opening time. Inside was a single customer already served, about to dig in to his Panini. I chatted him up for a few seconds, and then decided I'd better not let him starve to death right in front of me just to talk to me. I took a seat, and when the waitress showed up to take my order, I asked if Crissy could come out and play.

I had to wait a little while to see her, but she was worth the wait. Coming forth from the kitchen, hiding behind an apron and the biggest, shyest smile I'd ever seen, was the prettiest thing I'd seen all day!

You know how it is when you're about to meet someone important to you, and you don't want to screw it up, and you really want them to like you, and you hope they don't think you're a total dork? Like maybe you're about to meet the guy who owns the company you work for, or maybe some celebrity you've adored half your life, or maybe R. Lee Ermey is about to chew you out? Crissy had that look. It made me wonder if she'd heard of me.

Before she could faint or drop my order, I did my best to set her at ease. I took her hand, introduced myself, told her I was a fan, and invited her to have a seat and join me so we could talk and I could ask some questions for the other fans who couldn't make it.

It's not hard to compliment Crissy on pretty much anything you notice about her. Anyone who's heard of Lacey will have no trouble believing Crissy is twice as darling. She's one of those rare women who doesn't know she's beautiful, which keeps her head from getting too big to fit through the door. I got to talk to her for just a minute because she was busy making call-in orders, but she agreed to come back out and let me ask her a few questions once she had a moment to spare.

Before she came back out, a local celebrity and his wife came in and sat at the table next to mine and we kept each other company waiting for our orders and eating them. Vernon Heartfield is one of the town's councilmen, having served over 20 years and just got elected to his 7th term. (It's probably coincidence that he was first elected during the year I lived in Mississippi, but if he wants to credit me with his fortune like Sara Shahi ought to be doing, I'm not going to turn him down.) His lovely wife, Tess, takes care of their adoptive 3 year old daughter.

Very relaxed and open and friendly, Vernon and Tess dispelled any apprehension I might've been feeling and made me feel even more at home. I used to live up in Brandon for a year and got to know and like how nice people are in the state. It's something I enjoy every time I come back to visit those members of my family that still live in that area, and reminiscing with this wonderful older couple really made me feel like I was at home with long-time friends and family.

Mr. Vernon told me a story about the killer tornado that stuck town back in 1908. He said that was the year his grandfather was born, but it was probably after the tornado because his grandfather didn't remember it happening. He and his family have lived within a few miles of Purvis their whole life, so if you want any historical information about the area, Mr. Vernon is your man. Miss Tess told me about some of the adventures she and her 4 sisters had had growing up. They were here today because they've been coming in every day while they're getting their kitchen renovated. We shared a few personal stories, and though people often share personal stories with me (even within a few minutes of meeting me), this time it made me feel a lot more like I belonged here and not like someone was trying to impress me. Vern and Tess are very good examples of the kind of environment that Lacey grew up in, which is a big part of why I and so many others like her so much in ways that few other celebrities are liked.

Before departing, Vern gave me his Ernest P. Worrell impression. You know what I mean?

I was running out of time and about to have to leave when Crissy popped back out, so we talked fast and squeezed 20 minutes of dazzling conversation into 10 minutes. That means I didn't get to ask more than a few of the questions I'd come to ask.

If you’re one of Lacey's fans and you want to ask Crissy about little sis, she's amenable to the idea, so long as you understand that the place is a business and she's a chicken-with-her-head-cut-off, so she might not be able to talk to you. And that li'l sis rarely visits the place. But to make up for that, you can also expect a good meal; there are several different styles of large burgers, deli-type sandwiches, and salads on the menu, and each one is made with love, because Crissy is living her life-long dream! (You didn't want to meet some bratty little girl anyway.)

She became Mrs. Taylor almost right out of high-school, when she was 18, and had her first son not long after that, 12 years ago. Her second came 4 years later, and they keep her very busy, but they're old enough now that she has enough time to keep the restaurant open every day of the week for lunch and dinner. The best time to catch her seems to be at the start of lunch, just before I got there.

The first few months of business kept her very busy; she had a few relatives to help her out, but not enough regular employees. She used to serve breakfast and lunch only, and she was there to cook most of the day, but she's since gotten settled into a better routine, and now has enough employees that she is left with some time to enjoy her success. Lacey helped wait tables in those early days, and I gather she wasn't just being nice, she was probably necessary to feed the customers. Since some of the help is family, you can probably chat up an oddly-familiar waitress and be somewhat sure you've got a cousin who will probably be just as good to talk to as Crissy. And you can count on the locals to be friendly.

I couldn't get over how much like Lacey she looks... or rather, how much Lacey looks like her older sister! They're not quite twins, but if one of them robbed a convenience store, the cops would probably pick up the wrong one for questioning. They look alike enough to be... erm... sisters, and I for one can't wait to see them in a sexy-sisters-edition of Maxim!

Even though it was just a short visit, I had a good time. I made some new friends, got to reminisce with people I’d just met, and got a sense of the people who gave Lacey many of the reasons why I think she’s the bee’s knees. Crissy did a great job of making me feel welcome, and if she's not actually sweet on me, then she did a fine job of faking it! I didn't have time to ask all the questions I wanted to, but I was glad to have gotten to ask a few without making it feel like some kind of impersonal interview; Crissy is good people and I'm glad I got to know her a little, and got to put many a big smile on her face.

I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I wanted, but I didn't have to in order to know what kind of a person she is; the Heartfields were a tremendous testimonial without ever knowing they were. I'll go back there some day, perhaps when she's A LITTLE LESS MARRIED!

If you want to see her and meet someone who just might make you like her more than you already like her sister, stop by, and when you notice that she belongs on the cover of a magazine, be sure to tell her that, because I wouldn't want her to think I was just making it up.

Do it soon. Like, right now.

Note to Crissy Taylor fans: This page is accessible via
   http://stonehouse.mopjockey.com.

Related links:
The TrueFacts about Lacey Chabert
Expose Yourself #1 – Smilin’ Bill
You know you feel good when...

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My high-scores are Better than Yours

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I used to play a lot of games; not so much any more, but I've still got a few scores I brag about. A few years back, Text Twist was all the rage, and I did pretty good at it, as you can tell by reading this site. Me and the written word seem to get along pretty well. There was this penguin-batting game I got a great score on too. I've got a few other games you'll find interesting and want to play, so I'll share with you some information and whet your appetite and we'll see how well you can do at them. Read on!


First up is Hearts, which is part of Vista and now Windows 7. As you can see, I got a perfect score. The only way it could've been more perfect is if I had gotten all three computer opponents to exceed 100 on that last hand (probably by shooting the moon again).

TEXT TWIST - (Link)
Next we have Text Twist. The game has two modes: Puzzle Mode, which is untimed, and Action mode, which is timed. Puzzle Mode is good for getting used to the word list without the pressure of a clock, but there's really not a whole lot of skill involved. I got to a million points pretty easily, and gave up because 1,000,000 points was my goal.


The rest of the time, I stuck with having to beat the timer, and it can be pretty tough when they come up with words you've never heard of before. My top score slowly rose over the course of a few months and on a couple different machines.

Text Twist gives you bonus points if you get all the words, and I challenged myself to get them all as fast as possible. Here are a couple of my better times, but these aren't records; I lost those images.

To the left is a pretty fast solution, but there aren't a whole lot of words. To the right is a fast solution with a considerably larger number of words, making it much more difficult. If I remember correctly, 6-letter words give you 120 seconds and 7-letter words give you 150 seconds, so these are fantastic times.

PENGUIN BATTING - (Link)
This is a cute little game that involves a Yeti smacking a penguin with an icicle to see how far he can fly, because apparently, penguins dream of flying and this is the only way they can do it.

There are two versions of the game, one with normal scores and one with amplified scores, and these are my personal records at each. I happen to know it's possible to get over 600 on the amplified-scoring one, but I couldn't do it.

On each page I linked to is a link that takes you to the other version of the game, so you can try your hand at both of them. They require slightly different reaction times, so try them both. Just be careful you don't waste an entire afternoon!


FRACAS - (Link)

Fracas is a cool little game reminiscent of Lords of Conquest (which I found here!) and Risk, but way cooler and faster to play. The object is to grow your country and then wipe out everyone else's capital while protecting your own from conquest. The AI isn't especially difficult for me to beat (though I do get surprised now and then) so I set myself some extra goals.

First, I have to be the one to eliminate all the other players. Second, there has to be at least one territory from each player still on the board somewhere. I achieve this about every 5 games or so, and here are a couple screen shots to prove it.

Smozzie was nice enough to create a map editor too, be sure you get that and some people's custom maps for a few interesting ways to play, and of course, be sure you adjust the options once in a while; it feels like you've got like about 20 different games you can play just by adjusting the options.


RAILS - (Link)
The last game I'm going to mention for now is one called Rails, and it's made by Pluto Scarab. It's based on Mayfair Games' Empire Builder, which is one of those cool crayon games. You run a railroad company and build track around the map and deliver goods all over. It's pretty awesome! When MS got rid of the MSN groups, the support forum disappeared. I created a place for it in my own forum, and also created a location to hold user-made maps and such. Click here to go to the forum post about Rails, and get access to the fan-made maps, including 2 maps I made and 3 others I tweaked. (Yes, that's right, they've got a map editor too!)

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More articles you'll enjoy:
Railroad Tycoon 2 Untold Strategies
Games I Play - Civilization 4
Arizona you evil state you

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Ken Severa - 2002

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Many famous and interesting people have had brushes with me that served to skyrocket their careers to new heights. If they hadn't met me, chances are you never would've heard of them. Sure, many of them were famous before they met me, but that's just how awesome I am: I can improve your career before you've even met me!


Ken Severa is a comedian best known in the Chicago area, and one of his major routines is an impression of famous Cubs’ commentator, Harry Carey. After parting with my original gaming group back in 2002, I joined two new ones, one of which had Ken as a member.

I’d swear—SWEAR, I tell you—that I’d heard the name “Kenny Severa” on TV, like on an HBO special or something like that when I was little, and probably enjoyed his routines, but my memories of my youth aren’t that good, and nothing Ken said was familiar, not even his Harry Carey stuff, which he does all the time.

I looked him up online  not long after that, and still, nothing about the guy jibed in my memory beyond his name, and he swears he’s never been on an HBO special. But I’d swear I heard him perform as a kid, and I don’t know where else it could have happened. I dunno; maybe he was on WLS-AM a lot; I forgot I used to listen to them all the time.

Ken’s a nice guy, real stand-up kind of person, no pun intended. (He’s a stand-up comic.) He doesn’t take himself too seriously at all, and he doesn’t let anyone’s barbs get him down; I consider him a Teflon duck. He was a great sport about getting his butt handed to him in game after game, week after week, and always came back for more.

I don't currently have any pics of Ken, nor can I find any on the internet. I'll eventually get in touch with him again and get a pic of him.


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My Travels - Florida

"I've been everywhere, man, I've been everywhere!" - Johnny Cash

Not literally - at least, not yet - but as of this writing, I've been to 42 US states, 2 US territories, 11 countries, 4 continents, 2 oceans, and 7 seas. I'm going to take you to some of the places I've been, in no particular order. Sometimes this will be a place I just was, and sometimes it's a place I haven't been to in a while.

Next up: Florida. (Big surprise, huh?)

“Florida knows how to handle hurricanes because it’s filled with Floridians.” - Governor Jeb Bush, 2004, after 5 hurricanes hit the state in rapid succession.

Florida. It sounds beautiful without you even having been there or known what it was named for, doesn’t it? But you know Florida is jam-packed with things to see and do, and that’s why I love it so much. I've been to almost every part of the state without the accompaniment of my truck.

When we were little, my dad took us down there to see my grandparents every year, and we usually went to one or two theme parks and deep-sea fishing and other stuff. Our total round trip was typically over 3000 miles over the course of 2 weeks. It was a lot of fun, the kind he now gets to share with his grandkids and other friends and family who come see him now and then.

It wasn’t until I moved to Florida in 2004 that I got to experience a hurricane, and then I got to experience THREE hurricanes in that first month, and even saw one come back for a second try. I've since been in a couple more, including the eye of a very slow-moving one; it was like a normal day inside!

I like Florida so much, I made scenarios in two different railroad games that feature the state. One is for a little game called “Rails”, based on the “Empire Builder” boardgame (I have a post in the forum dedicated to the game too), and the other was for Railroad Tycoon 2 Platinum, but I haven’t released it to the general public yet (I will eventually).

Everglades National Park: (Official link, Wiki, Other Site of Interest)

“There are no other Everglades in the world. They are, they have always been, one of the unique regions of the earth; remote, never wholly known. Nothing anywhere else is like them... ” - Marjory Stoneman Douglas

Miss Marjorie, the world-renowned Grand Dame of the Everglades, is totally right. Nowhere else in the world is there anything like the Everglades. Nowhere else in the world do salt-water and fresh-water crocodiles mingle. Nowhere else is there a river a hundred miles wide, a hundred miles long, and only a couple inches deep. It’s unique, and it’s disappearing. Development consumed a considerable amount of the Everglades, but in 1947 the US government set aside most of what remained as a protected preserve. There’s still a considerable amount of it to see, and it’s not at all like a Louisiana swamp.

I went down there in August of 2006 with my dad as sort of a birthday present for him. There are plenty of places you can ride an airboat through the slough. A slough is a wide, shallow river which is chock full of reeds and weeds and other grasses and a few open spots of water. Our ride included a stop to a small island in the middle of the slough where Indians had made a hideout long ago. There was a guy was playing with a gator and a small, abandoned village.

We also drove along one of the alleys and encountered three gators sunning themselves on the road. It’s funny; as a truck driver, I see a lot of thrown treads on the road, and these are referred to as gators, so when we saw the first one, our minds dismissed it as nothing, until it ran off and jumped back into the swamp. The same thing happened to the second one; we just didn’t see it. But the third time, we saw it, and tried to creep up on it, but it must’ve been nervous, because it ran off well before we got close enough for a good picture.

Along the southwest edge you have a lot of little islands, and we arrived in time to take a boat tour of the coastal area. We got to see some dolphins — almost got close enough to touch them! — and learn a little bit about the ecology of that area and how it’s different from the rest of the ‘glades.

We spent the whole day there, taking a couple tours, the airboat ride, and the regular boat ride, and there were a few things we didn’t get to do, but it was interesting, peaceful, and we had a good day. Dad even got to buy his Federal Park Pass, which entitles him to enter any federal park for free! (Next stop: Yellowstone!)

  

 The Florida Keys and Key West: (Official Site, Wikipedia, Other Site of Interest)

“Helping others is like helping yourself.” - Henry Flagler

In 1912, a year before his death, Henry Flagler, Florida’s greatest railroad tycoon and already plenty rich from his Standard Oil days, completed the Overseas Railroad, which linked Key West, a city of 30,000, to the mainland by rail. Having already built a rail line all the way along the Atlantic coast, from Jacksonville to Miami, complete with some of the grandest hotels ever built, this linked Key West to the rest of the nation! Unfortunately, in 1935 a hurricane destroyed some of the bridges. Later, the US bought the remaining bridges and constructed what is now US1 using much of what Flagler had built. You can still see a few of the old rail bridges where they weren’t reused.

The trip to Key West is interesting. You’re island-hopping without an airplane or Douglas MacArthur, and you’re not going to meet the Imperial Japanese Navy anywhere along the way either. Many of the keys have some signs of civilization, or some parks you can park in. You can camp out about 30-50 miles east of Key West, or you can continue on and pay for an expensive motel room; your choice. If I recall correctly, you can camp out at Bahia Honda, which is about 30 miles from Key West.

In the city of Islamorada, on the north end of Upper Matecumbe Key, there is a seafood buffet restaurant called the Whale Harbor. I’ve been to a few such restaurants, including the good ones in Norfolk, Virginia, that I enjoyed visiting while stationed there, and this one was at least as good; it ought to be, considering where it is!

Key West itself is a quiet little historical tourist town, reminiscent of some quieter place, like Fowler, Indiana, but with coastline and everything that comes along with that. There is a LOT to see and do there; you could spend a whole week, I’m sure. We only spent 3 days.

There are a lot of interesting things about Key West. It was one of the richest cities in the whole country, thanks to the coral reef; the only living one in the whole continental United States. No, not because of tourism, but because ships ran aground on it frequently, and the wreckers would go out and rescue people and salvage their cargo for themselves. The southern-most point of the continental United States is also on the Key, there are glass-bottom boat tours of the coral reef, there’s a lighthouse you can go to the top of, and Hemingway used to live on the island. And that’s just the stuff I got to see in the one day I spent there!

Ft. Lauderdale: (Official Site, Wikipedia, Other Site of Interest)

My first visit here was in 1998 as part of the Air and Sea Show. Bataan sailed down to participate. During the show, we sat off the coast and watched the airplanes, and later we pulled in and gave tours of the ship. I would’ve expected we’d have helicopter or Harrier operations, but we didn’t. They won’t let people be on the flight deck during air operations, but it’s neat to see if you can. Those of us not on tour duty were allowed to go ashore and see the town. It’s not too much different from most of the other coastal Spring Break Vacation spots, like Daytona Beach and Panama City; there’s a strip with a ton of shops, and then there’s the rest of the city, which I didn’t get to see.

The next year, we came back and did it again! That time, several members of my family were able to come down and experience it with me, including going out into the ocean on our boat! An experience few civilians will ever forget.

Unfortunately, because it’s been so long since I’ve been there, I don’t remember a whole lot about the place. We went to a couple tourist spots, we went to the beach, and we just relaxed.

Kennedy Space Center (Official Site, Wikipedia, Other Site of Interest, Other Site of Interest)

“Be an optimist — at least, until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral.” - Unknown

I’ve been a space-junkie pretty much all my life. There is no planetarium I won’t go to if I can, nor any space center. I know all the names of all the shuttles and I used to know all the important statistics about them. I used to know several of the astronauts’ names, I have met the parents of one of them, and I would probably faint if I ever met Buzz Aldrin. I used to draw the space shuttle often, and had several space shuttle toys and models. I've even got a whole series of articles on this site devoted to space. So going to the Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral is a big thrill for me every time I go.

They built it in a swamp in order to create a national nature preserve around the area, and they have some rare and endangered birds that live there.

You can get tours of the place, even to the launch pads (as long as there’s nothing on the pad) and they have several pads there. On their 50-some pads, they launch “normal” rockets, plus they also launch the Space Shuttles from two of the pads there. A few years back, they built a landing runway to save on costs associated with transporting the shuttle back from Edwards Air Force Base. The crawlers they use to move the shuttles from the Assembly Building to the launch pads are enormous!

If you go on a day when there’s a launch, you’ll be in for a crowd, but you’ll also be in for a treat. A rocket launch, and especially a shuttle launch, is a sight to see! There are only a few more shuttle launches scheduled, and then the program is going to be decommissioned while they build the next generation of launch vehicles, so if you want to see one, you’d better plan for it right now and get down there.

There are several tours you can take while you’re there, and it feels only a little like an amusement park. The tour that I’ve been on takes you to a close observation post about a mile or so from the launch pads, and one time, we got to get there about half an hour after the crawler had passed by (they delayed the tours until it got past), and it was carrying a space shuttle! So I’ve gotten pretty close to the Atlantis, within about half a mile of it, and watched over the next hour or so as they took it up to the pad and started securing it to the launch tower.

Orlando area: (Official Site, Wikipedia, Other Site of Interest)

It wouldn’t be hard to spend a whole month in the vicinity of Orlando and not do the same thing twice — except resting after several days of activity. There are a ton of major and minor amusement parks, the dinner-show has really taken off and there are about a dozen different ones here, and there are plenty of trinket shops too!

 

A few of the major theme parks:

Disney World-

             Magic Kingdom

             Epcot Center

             Animal Kingdom

             Hollywood Studios

             Typhoon Lagoon

             Blizzard Beach

Universal Studios-

             Universal Studios

             Islands of Adventure

             Wet ‘n’ Wild

Sea World

Busch Gardens

A few of the Dinner Shows (I haven’t been to them all yet, and they come and go)-

             Arabian Nights

             Pirate Dinner Adventure

             Medieval Times

             Wonder Works Magic

             Sleuths Mystery

             Al Capone’s

             Polynesian Luau

             Outta Control

My first experience with a Dinner Theater was in Spain, of all places. We pulled into Tarragona, which isn’t very far from Barcelona, and one of the tours was a trip to Madrid to go to a Medieval Nights show. Very interesting! There were people from all over the world there, not just us, and they were kind enough to do most of the show in English for us, since we made up the majority of the audience. Then we got to experience some Spanish dancing afterward, which is a show all in itself. Since then, I’ve been to a few others, but they don’t seem to have the after-show like they did in Madrid. Nonetheless, it’s an interesting experience!

Even if you don’t enjoy expensive theme parks, there’s still plenty of things to see and do in Orlando. There’s golf, there’s several sports teams, there’s a butt-ton of shopping, and there’s a Mongolian barbeque! There’s plenty of seafood and other good restaurants too. There’s also plenty of condos and hotels in the area.

I could go on and on about Florida, but I think I've told you quite enough to get your interest. I may in the future devote one of these articles to a particular place; the Everglades practically begs for it! So until next time, enjoy your summer!

Nikie St. Giles - 2000

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Many famous and interesting people have had brushes with me that served to skyrocket their careers to new heights. If they hadn't met me, chances are you never would've heard of them. Sure, many of them were famous before they met me, but that's just how awesome I am: I can improve your career before you've even met me! 

I had no idea who Nikie St. Giles was when I met her, all I knew was that from the moment she walked up the ramp and onto my ship's quarterdeck, I was interested in her. A friend snapped a picture of us. As far as I know, I'm the only person who got a live picture with her that day because our XO wasn't very nice to her and made her leave.

Not long after winning her 1999 Penthouse Pet of the Year crown, Nikie St. Giles visited the Bataan while it was ported in New York City for Navy Day. I happened to be on duty on the quarterdeck when she and her small entourage came aboard. I didn’t really know who she was, but she seemed very nice, and was easily the prettiest girl I’d seen all day, and since I'm easily the nicest person she'd met all day, we got along well. As far as I know, I was the only person she took a picture with, because the mean old XO acted like a complete jerk, as if she thought Nikie was going to strip for the crew or something. Nope, she'd just volunteered to the USO, and they asked her to come aboard and sign some autographs.

I got to take her on a 5 minute tour of the ship, and then the XO made her leave. She did eventually get to come back and sign a few autographs and hand out a few (clothed) pictures of herself, but by the time she was allowed back on board, I had already picked up a visiting family and gave them the $200 tour for free. (It lasted about 2 hours, took them through most of the ship, and ended with lunch in the mess decks. Other people who got tours from other sailors only got to spend about 20 minutes and didn’t get a free Navy lunch.)

All I knew about her was that she was pretty and shy, but not overwhelmingly so. I didn’t even learn her full name or why she was there until a few hours later. That ten minutes we spent were fun; she was very alert and curious about the things I showed her, and cracked a couple nervous jokes, and laughed at mine. I wish I’d realized at the time she was into me! I’m sorry I didn’t get to take you all over the boat, Nikie; I know a girl as bright as you are would’ve appreciated it fully.

A few days later I learned she'd liked me enough to leave her number with one of my friends!

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Christy Brinkley, Terry Bradshaw, and many more - 1999

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Many famous and interesting people have had brushes with me that served to skyrocket their careers to new heights. If they hadn't met me, chances are you never would've heard of them. Sure, many of them were famous before they met me, but that's just how awesome I am: I can improve your career before you've even met me!

Back in 1999, a few days before Christmas, Defense Secretary William Cohen put together his third annual USO tour and filled it to the brim with stars, who put on several shows for those who were on duty in southern Europe. The biggest names among them were Christy Brinkley and Terry Bradshaw, but there were a lot of them. I was aboard the Bataan for one of those shows and got to meet several of the people involved.

Check out these names:

• Bill Cohen (Defense Secretary)
• Terry Bradshaw
• Christie Brinkley
• Mike Singletary
• Wesley Clark (Supreme Allied Commander, Europe (SACEUR), 4-star General, and presidential candidate in 2004)
• Downtown Julie Brown (MTV VJ)
• Ruth Pointer (of the Pointer Sisters)
• Al Franken (political comedian)
• Shane Minor (Country singer)
• John Paul Dejoria (aka Paul Mitchell, richest hair stylist in the world)
• Mary Chapin Carpenter (singer)
• Steve Burton (General Hospital actor)
• Marco Etcheverry (Major Soccer League MVP 1998)
• 6 Dallas Cowgirls, one of whom was Sara Shahi (now in the TV show Fairly Legal)

Here is a link to the official celebration page.

The sound is a bit wonky, and you can’t hear the audience applause for the first part of the show.

Most of the video is from Aviano Airbase, but there are clips from the Bataan. At time 50:25, you see Bradshaw pointing, then it cuts to some cheerleaders dancing, and to the left of them is my “bro”, DS2 Marc Sigmon!

I've got a couple hundred pics, none of which were taken by me, and here's a handful. I think these show everyone, in various states of their appearance. When I get famous (scheduled for next year) I think I'm going to do this too. I'd like to thank those of you who showed up and cheered us up during the holidays while we were thousands of miles away from home. I don't know if you'll ever know how much it meant to us.

 

 

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Additional articles which will interest you:
You Say Piracy Like It’s a Bad Thing
How to Talk Like a Trucker
What we mean when we say we will never forget

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My Travels - Indiana

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"I've been everywhere, man, I've been everywhere!" - Johnny Cash

Not literally - at least, not yet - but as of this writing, I've been to 42 US states, 2 US territories, 11 countries, 4 continents, 2 oceans, and 7 seas. I'm going to take you to some of the places I've been, in no particular order. Sometimes this will be a place I just was, and sometimes it's a place I haven't been to in a while.

First up: Indiana.

"Indiana wants me" - R. Dean Taylor

I was born in Lake County, Indiana, and did the bulk of my growing up there and in Benton County, which is about 60 miles to the south. I remember at the time, they called Benton County the soybean capital of the world, though why, I couldn't tell you, because all I ever saw were cornfields. I also remember hearing that Gary was the murder capital, though I'm not sure if that was of the country or the world.

Indiana is mostly flat and filled with cornfields, though close to Lake Michigan there are some hills left behind by an ancient glacier and down by the Ohio River there are a few more hills that the river made, and even the Wabash has some places where it's carved into rock.

Lake County, being a suburb of Chicago, has a lot of people in it, but it still also has plenty of farms. Most people have heard of Gary, not least of all because of that song. It's a modest-sized city, but pretty-well run-down thanks to the influx of bad elements. (Sorry, my mystique wasn't powerful enough back then to prevent it.) Merrillville was still a pretty nice town back then, but I hear nowadays it's about what Gary was when I grew up there. (Seeing as I've been away for 5 years now, I can't do anything about that right this minute either.)

Benton County is on the sparse side, with a few little towns here and there, much like most of Indiana. There are rolling hills, a few patches of forests, and some streams meandering about, but it's mostly wide open and criss-crossed with county roads and a couple highways. Not a bad place to grow up, but I don't really miss it that much. I remember a navy recruiter came to the county high school one year, and was talking about how an aircraft carrier carried about 6000 people, and said, "That's probably bigger than most of the towns around here." He was corrected by one of my classmates, who said, "That's bigger than ALL the towns around here!"

I'd say about half of my closest family still lives in Indiana, and now that I get to travel for free, I still get to see them once in a while.

Here are a few things to see in Indiana. Some I've been to and enjoy, some I haven't and probably would.

Deep River County Park: (official link, map, wiki)

I liked coming here when I was little, but only did it a few times. There are a few trails through a small forest, and the creek has a few places where you can go up to it. This seems to me like it would be a good place for a paintball excursion. When I got out of highschool, I rediscovered the park and sorted through all the deja vu moments.

In addition to the nature trails, there are a few displays set up, including the old mill, a baseball park, and a playground and picnicking area.

Indiana Beach: (official link, map, wiki)

You might think by the name that this amusement park is located up on the Lake Michigan shoreline, but you'd be mistaken. No, it's on a lake called Lake Shaffer, and it and nearby Lake Freeman are a camping resort, or at least they were when I was there about 25 or so years ago. I've seen ads for Indiana Beach this year even, so it's still in business. I remember the one time I got to go, it was a good time.

That weekend, we got a cabin on Lake Freeman and swam in the lake, waving at the boaters as they went by, then went to the park the next day and rode the rides. I remember it feeling a lot like a state fair, but bigger and better.

Indiana Dunes: (official link, map, wiki)

Okay, here's your Indiana Lakeshore park. The Dunes has a lot of walking trails, many over sandy hills, so they'll really stretch out your walking time. On days when the water's not too polluted, there's a beach you can swim at, from which you can see the Chicago skyline very easily, and you also get a good view of the steel mills. But people usually come for the camping and the nature trails. Many years ago, one of my aunts was a ranger here, and she got to know the whole park like the back of her hand, and still does.

Indiana pizza

I grew up with some damn-fine pizza places in Indiana. I've searched the whole world and not found better pizza. The secret? I think it's the crumbled sausage. Lemme tell you about a few I remember best.

Pizza King is a chain of restaurants all over Indiana. There appear to be two separately owned chains, and I'm not sure what the deal is with that and trademark law. (Here's one, here's the other. You decide which is the original.)

That first one there is the type I grew up with, and some of them seem to have a train that brings your drinks and even your food to you, though this could vary by restaurant. The one I grew up with had no such train.

I think what makes it so good, other than the secret family recipe and the crumbled sausage is that they bring the pizza all the way to the edge - there's no edge crust like most pizza places. They also cut the pizza into squares, so you get several different sizes of slices, including little corners, and kids just love to try to be the ones to eat them. It's fun to eat it and it tastes great!

Oh, and one more thing about Pizza King: they have the best strombolis. I haven't found better anywhere! Most places I've been to consider a stromboli to be a calzone without the nasty feta cheese, or in some cases they consider them to be like a pizza wrap (Sbarro, which is a national chain, does this), whereas at Pizza King, a stromboli is made on French bread and is basically a big pizza sandwich. Outstanding! And no one else that I've found does it.

Arni's is another pizza place we frequented. I'm not sure exactly where the one was that we went to all the time, but it was in the Lafayette area, and now they've got a whole bunch of them around the state. I recall they had a train that brought your drinks to you, and they also had this big semi-truck in the dining area and its lights flashed in various entertaining patterns. Very cool to an 8-year-old.

One of the things I liked about Noble Roman's was that you could watch them through a window as they tossed the crust into the air. Very entertaining! Nowadays, they've turned into a by-the-slice place, like Hunt Brothers.

In West Lafayette, on Chauncy Hill, used to be Garcia's. It had a very cool interior, and a few years back I had the opportunity to stop by and enjoy it again, but I heard earlier this year that they closed their doors.

There are many other pizza places I've been to, but these were the most frequently visited in my youth. Nowadays, I like Papa John's best (but their prices are usually too high), and go to Little Caesar's and Domino's now and then.

Indianapolis Children's Museum: (official link, map)

I suppose I'd better move on before you all started to think this was a pizza blog, and the Children's Museum is a great way to close this article. I haven't been there for a while, but I remember having gotten to take school field trips down to Indy. It's one of those places where you can learn a lot by doing. I remember they were having a demonstration about how to build ships, and we were challenged to build one out of legos, and then they'd see how much weight it could support before it sank.

Being smarter than the average bear, I immediately realized the optimal solution was to create a barge, so I got all the plates and joined them together and then built some sides to trap a large pocket of air underneath it. Not surprisingly, my design was the best at holding weight.

There's a lot of stuff to see and do, and I'd really like to go back there some time. Since I have a couple of little cousins that live in the area, I'm hoping I can take them there some time when I'm in town soon. I'd like to see how it's changed; it's been probably 25 years since I was there last. I wonder if I'll have the intense déjà vu sensations I had when I rediscovered Deep River?

All right, that's all the time I have to tell you about my home state. Stay tuned for the next installment!

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Joan Jett - 1999

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Many famous and interesting people have had brushes with me that served to skyrocket their careers to new heights. If they hadn't met me, chances are you never would've heard of them. Sure, many of them were famous before they met me, but that's just how awesome I am: I can improve your career before you've even met me!

Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, known for such awesome tunes as “I Love Rock n Roll” and “Bad Reputation”, visited the Bataan while it was docked in Haifa, Israel, in the early part of December.

To much fanfare, they gave a helluva performance that could be heard from anywhere on the ship.

A quick trip to her website reveals she committed a major no-no while on tour in Jerusalem. Don’t tell anyone!

I’m now embarrassed to admit I didn’t really know who she was. I’m not into bands; I’m into music. I’ve heard plenty of bands with only a couple good songs, and figured Joan would be just another one of those, so I missed the show. Upon going through my collection to help get my website rebuilt, we looked her up and found out she’s actually pretty darn cool, for someone so freaky-looking.

She does a CONSIDERABLE amount of USO work, and is head and shoulders above all other entertainers when it comes to how many tours she’s done for the troops. She’s performed closer to combat lines than anyone, and performed more shows than anyone, for more years. Bob Hope would be humbled! The reason you never hear about it is because she doesn’t want to be a glory-hound in even the slightest. She doesn’t want to take any credit, she just wants to give back to the troops. I really admire that kind of selflessness.

I’ve got a couple videos of the show, and a few pics, which were given to me by other shipmates who did see the show. I’m still not going to be a metal-head, and I still think she’s way too freaky for me, but Joan is definitely someone I’d be proud to give a plankowner’s tour of the ship to, if she wanted one, and promised not to launch any missiles.