I Deserve a Break Today

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Dear McDonald's,

I have loved eating your food for as long as I can remember. My dad worked for you when he was a kid and I did as well. We both have good memories from those times and are glad for the experience. Plus, I find it very flattering that the Double Quarter Pounder was created in homage to the Bigger Mac I invented during my tenure, but it would be nice to get a royalty check or at least a credit on the website which I can use to impress my friends.



Several years ago, you began to show signs that you no longer wanted my business by raising prices to the point where I could no longer have a meal for under $5. But then you introduced the Extra Value Meal and made it possible for me to continue our love affair. And then a few years later, you again raised prices to discourage my patronage. But then you introduced the Dollar Menu, and put the Double Cheeseburger, Small Fries, and Small Drink on it, and induced me to continue spending money. But you continued to raise prices, to the point where you even stole a slice of cheese from my sandwich and rebranded the result as a McDouble, but you also raised the prices of drinks and fries too ridiculously high for such a small serving.

The most recent blow has been that you've started charging for water. No, not the bottled water, which any idiot or desperately thirsty person will pay $1-$2 for, but regular tap water. I also have been finding it harder to find the McDouble for $1, and it's nearly impossible to find a Small Fries for $1. The Any Size Drink for $1 was a nice idea, but I no longer drink pop, thanks in part to you.

Personally, I think it's a crime to charge for something which costs you nothing, but I do realize that everything is worth what someone will pay for it. That works both ways, though. It means that after nearly 40 years of patronage, if I cannot find a reasonable price for any of your products, I must say a tearful goodbye.

But, you clever bastards, you went and made internet free. Even in California (or at least in the one store I went to out there a few weeks ago). Considering that providing internet service costs almost nothing, but creates a desire for internet addicts to sit in your store, get hungry as they surf, and buy something out of a false sense of obligation, I don't understand why more places don't offer it. I am shocked and amazed that the major truckstop companies continue to charge for a service which most people can get for free (often IN the truckstop itself!), but then I'm also amazed they can keep a straight face when they offer a "sale" on something by charging 50% - 100% more than what you'd pay if you just went to Walmart (which often has room for trucks to park). And since I like internet so much, because it lets me swap out emails in about 30 seconds, I find myself coming back into the store and occasionally buying something, despite your expressed wishes against doing business with people who prefer to get value for their hard-earned money.

I gave up my favorite Quarter Pounders because you priced me out of them. I gave up Fries because you priced me out of them. I have no problem giving up the bastardized McDoubles if you price me out of them too. Your free internet ploy may have gotten me to hesitate in severing all contact with you, but it will not obligate me to overpay for things which ruin my diet anyway.

PLEASE reconsider your position.

PS: Is anyone falling for that Daily Double monstrosity? Paying an extra dollar for lettuce on their Double Cheeseburger (or is it a McDouble)? I know there are a lot of suckers out there, but that's got to be pressing your luck big time.

Can You Spot the Flaw?

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I'm sure we all remember the 50's, even if we weren't alive for them. Every man had a wife and 5 kids, and every man had a job which could pay for his family's food, shelter, clothes, college, and annual vacation, plus a car in every garage and a chicken in every pot. Nowadays, though, Wifey has to work, and the kids do too, just as soon as they're old enough, and even then the family is still scraping by. And let's not forget that the family size has dropped to 1-2 kids now.

What happened?

When did life shift from being so easy that only 1 mouth in 7 had to work to being so hard that even when every mouth works the family still can't get by? If you take a look at some of the other countries out there, they've got larger family sizes and fewer mouths having to work to feed the family. How did things go so horribly wrong in America?

We can spend all day pointing the finger at things and not be wrong. Poor examples being set by our leaders and our heroes. High divorce rate. No dads in the home. Hypocritical religious and political leaders. Schools failing and being set up to fail. Drugs. Gangs. Prostitution being outlawed. Medical malpractice. Frivolous lawsuits. Obscene copyright lengths. Software patents. Gene patents. The RIAA and MPAA. Blamestorming.

The list goes on.

And on.

And on.

We're looking for someone to blame. One person or group to pin all this on. The one source of all the trouble, after which everything else is merely a symptom and will go away if we correct the one flaw and throw the rascals out. But who? Blacks? Whites? Gays? Christians? Jews? Muslims? Unions? The rich? Doctors? Liberals? Conservatives? Gangs? The Illuminati? Scientology? God? Satan? Teachers?

Who's leg do we gotta hump to get our lives back?

And can we ever get it back? How hard will it be to do so?

One of the big obstacles seems to be citizen apathy and hopelessness. Sure, once in a while, millions of people get upset about some useless celebrity getting in trouble or talkng out their butt, or if one person in a billion dies of some obscure thing, there's a massive campaign to make everyone else's life harder, but when it comes to something important which would actually benefit everyone, like important amendments to the Constitution which would make political corruption much more difficult, or asking the super-rich to pay their fair share for all the benefits we provide them, suddenly, even though a near-unanymous majority agrees, nothing gets done and almost no one makes an effort. The movement then either dies or becomes the province only of "crazy" people.

Did people just suddenly become stupid, or was this done to us maliciously by someone who wants to control us so we can't kick them out of power when they abuse it, as we peasants have historically done when our kings step far enough out of line? I'm sure you can guess which of these two possibilities I suspect.

So what are you going to do? Which is more important to you? Making sure those who are out to take everything you have don't get away with it, or watching yet another Kardashian self-destruct?

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Still Kickin'

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Yeah, I'm still kickin'! Most of my online activity has been taking place either on my Twitter account or the More In Sanity Facebook page, but I've also posted several interesting things on my personal Facebook page (which you probably can't read all of), or on others' pages.Sign up to be a follower or a liker or a subscriber to keep up with most of my shenanigans. It's worth it, unless you're a hater or a schmuck, but no one who enjoys this site is one of those.

Some of you know I've been driving a truck again for the last few months, which is my excuse for not stopping by here more often; I've definitely been busy. Gotten a little work done on a couple of my stories, came up with a few more (:rolleyes:), and have been working on a business plan for a friend who may be selling some tasty confectionaries in the near future, which she makes now and then for only her favorite friends. (Is it any wonder I can't quit chocolate and sugar?)

I did manage to finish up a piece I'd started writing a few months ago, which will be posted Monday morning, and I may be releasing a few more in the coming weeks, but for the time being, I'm probably not going to be as hot and heavy as I have been in the past. Using Facebook to share my thoughts is SOOOO much easier for both me and my fans who respond that I will probably use it for the bulk of my activities. When time is limited, you have to use it carefully. But this place can still do a lot that Facebook can't, so I won't be changing where the URL points any time soon.

Stay tuned, because in the coming weeks there will be more articles and perhaps even some big changes if certain plans work out. And now to go update my wifi.mopjockey.com page...

Have a good weekend!

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Can I buy your vote for $100?

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You heard right: I want to give you $100 to buy your vote, with no strings attached. You vote for the candidate I tell you to, and I give you a crisp, new $100 bill so you can marvel at Benjamin Franklin's portrait.

Why would I do such a thing?

You've heard, perhaps even uttered the phrase, "I wouldn't do that even if I was paid to." Or perhaps it was, "There's no amount of money you could pay me to do that."

Voting is something which millions of our countrymen have sacrificed everything to allow us to do. There's no voting tax, there's not really much of a qualification to be able to do it, you just have to have the desire to do it. A lot of people, myself included, have been so incensed at what are laughingly referred to as our "choices", and that we are not allowed to vote "None of the Above", that we often simply don't vote as protest. Unfortunately, that doesn't work any better because it only strengthens the voice of those who aren't really smart enough to vote.

In any form of motivation, there is the stick and the carrot; that is, the punishment for not doing right, and the reward for doing right. One without the other often doesn't work, but when both are used, you usually get results. For instance, we personally don't have to make much of a sacrifice to vote; the only stick is that we get no voice at all. What's needed is a carrot, and that's where the $100 comes in. If I give you some money to go vote, you'll go do it, right?

But then there are people whom I have described as, "He/She wouldn't do his/her job even if he/she was paid to do it." Funny, because of the irony that the person IS being paid to do it and still won't. If I give you $100 to vote, will you go out and do it? If not, then what is the price at which you WILL go vote?

Maybe you think your vote isn't for sale, but what's even more ironic is that people sell their votes all the time for far less than $100. A simple pat on the back from a particular candidate is often enough to do it. Even a PERCEIVED pat on the back - which is to say that the candidate did NOT single you out, he simply mentioned some group you're a part of and praised them and got you to think he cares about you that way.

But there are people who sell their vote even cheaper; in fact, who PAY to cast their vote. I'm talking about the people who blindly vote the party line. "It's the Republican/Democrat candidate, and I'm one of them, so I will vote for them and not consider the other person for any reason." A person like that has paid dearly, whether it's by suffering from party values which rob him of his retirement or his paycheck, or whether it's supporting ideas which are against his core values and therefore forfeits his soul, that person has paid to vote for someone he wouldn't believe in if they were a member of the "other" party.

So you see my real question: what would it take to get you to vote for what you actually want, and not for what someone else tells you that you have to settle for? If there was a candidate who supported everything you personally believed in, who was NOT part of the political party which has conned you into thinking you're one of them and they will take care of you, what would it take for you to vote for him/her?

I hear a lot of people say they want change and fairness and equality, and then they go and vote for a Republican or a Democrat, neither of which has their interests in mind, and both of which have a long track record of lying to get elected. What would it take to get you to snap out of your trance and vote for someone else? Someone who actually would do what you wanted him to do? Someone who would cater to YOUR needs? Someone who was honest and open and worthy of the position you're electing him to?

Is there any price anyone could pay to get you to vote for that person?

Because there are a LOT of people who have paid with their lives so that you WOULD DO JUST THAT.

There IS a person like that, who IS running for President. He can't do it alone. He can't do it without you. He needs you to stand up for yourself and support him so that he can support you, so that he can safeguard your lifetime of work and your retirement and your well-being and restore the rights which the two ajor political parties have trampled in favor of the over-wealthy special interests. Unless you stand up for your rights, you won't have them.

That's important to me. So important that I want to give you $100 if you help get him elected. For $100, you can't possibly feel like your vote was wasted (even though voting for anyone else is a sure way to waste it), and just think what it will be like, knowing that you made history and got a decent man into the White House for the first time in a long time, one who will do everything he can to set the country right again.

Can I pay you to love your country?

Simply go here and sign up because I want to give you $100 if you help me get Buddy Roemer elected. (The nature of this payment will take the form of a stronger economy and a better income for you when Buddy gets elected and puts into action his plan to kick the corruption out of Congress.)

I thank you, and your country thanks you.

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Ten Missing Days

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A year is 365 days long, right? Well, not exactly. Sometimes, like this year, the year is 366 days long. This happens every four years, on years divisible by 4. You already knew that, right?

Did you know that some years which are divisible by 4 are NOT leap years?

A little history will explain:




In 46 BC, Julius Caesar created what's known as the Julian calendar. It had 365 days per year, except every four years there was an extra day added in February. Just like today, right? Almost.

Though this gives an average year-length of 365.25 days, the year is actually a little bit shorter, about 11 minutes shorter. This adds up to three fewer days every 400 years, which means that in a 400 year span, there needs to be only 97 leap days, not 100 as the Julian calendar prescribes.

By 1582 AD, the calendar had drifted 10 whole days away from its proper date, which was screwing up the proper day on which to celebrate Easter, not to mention the seasons showing up at the wrong time. So Pope Gregory the 13th created something called called a papal bull, which is basically a decree for the whole world.

Of course, back then, as now, something less than the whole world paid attention to the Pope's decrees, but the Catholic world did pay attention, so that Thursday, October 4th was followed by Friday, October 15th. Ten days had to be skipped in order to get the calendar back on track, but at the time, only a handful of countries observed the change.

Over the years, more countries adopted the change until finally, the last Christian countries to do so, Russia and Greece, did so in the early 20th century and had to skip 13 days. (The October Revolution occurs in November because at the time, Russia was still on the Julian calendar.)

This new calendar, dubbed the Gregorian calendar, follows a slightly different rule than the Julian calendar. Every four years a leap day is added, UNLESS the year is divisible by 100... UNLESS the year is divisible by 400. So 1900 would normally have been a leap year, but it actually wasn't. However, the year 2000 WAS a leap year because it's divisible by 400. When we get to 2100, it will NOT be a leap year, nor will be 2200 or 2300, but 2400 will be.

Neat, huh?

If you plan on living that long, you'll see for yourself.

Here's some fascinating history of the Julian calendar and the Gregorian calendar.

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Pissed Off, then Pissed On

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The other day, someone posted, "I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on."

Someone else pointed out, "This is one of those times when the difference between THEN and THAN is rather important." I hope I don't have to explain it.

Earlier today, I received an invite to a party which was being held to raise money for someone's funeral expenses. The organizer said, "Donations will be excepted."

My reply was, "This is one of those times when the difference between EXCEPTED and ACCEPTED is rather important." Unless, of course, they really did NOT want donations?



In both cases, the person doing the correcting was lambasted as if they had committed an atrocity. But you know what? It's not MY job to have to work to understand you, it's YOUR job to work to be understood.

Think I'm wrong?

How about trying to illegally cross a border into a country whose language you don't speak. You think Zimbabwe soldiers won't shoot you if they can't understand you? You think Mexican cops won't arrest you and put you in a hole if they can't understand you? America is the only place where people seem to think they have to do all the work to understand other people around them. You see it not just in the dearth of foreigners who can't speak English, many of them here illegally, but also in the kids who can't be bothered to use the right word.

Literally.

No one here would THINK of going to France and expecting the whole French populace to speak English just for them. So why do we have the attitude that here in America, we the communicator can be so lazy that if someone doesn't understand us, it's their problem?

I, and EVERY author, have spent a great deal of time, trying to pick just the right words for our books to convey exactly the right thing at the right pace to make a gripping story. Those who do a good job of it sell well, those who do a poor job of it sell poorly. Well, not counting the marketing machine, but then again, there too is an example of the better writer doing a better job of connecting to what the people want. Crafting ads is an art, you know.

And do you know what it says about you when you can't even take a second to be sure you're not embarrassing yourself with the wrong word? If I have to work to understand you, it says that what you have to say isn't that important. Worse, it says that you don't consider ME important enough to try to communicate. It says you think I'm your slave. Is that really the message you want to give other people? Don't we have enough prospective slave-owners out there?

For those of you who can't tell the difference between there, they're, and their, PLEASE do not try to get a job creating DANGER signs! I don't want to see "brake glass four emergency" any time soon.

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You Didn't Exist Five Minutes Ago

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I just thought you might like to know that I created the entire universe about five minutes ago. (Six, considering how long it took you to read to this point.) "Yeah right," you say. See? I made you say that. "What about all my memories?" you ask. Simple: they're not real. I made them up. I created all kinds of little things for you all to discover, such as rings in trees indicating their age, sedimentary layers in the Earth indicating its age, and I even gave you all belly buttons, even though none of you were born. Why? Because that's the world you expect to find.

Why am I telling you this? Because a select few of you - those who are reading this now, in fact - are special beyond measure. I put within you a compulsion to come here right now so you would know the truth about the world in which you live.

Why would I go through the trouble of creating an entire universe and then take no care to ensure my own place at the very top? Who's to say I haven't? But I would like for the rest of the world to think so, and it is not for you or them to question that. Just accept it, and commence to accomplish the secret mission which I have assigned to you. You will find it hiding in your subconscious, not far from where I put the compulsion to come here 8 minutes ago.

I suppose you may wish to see proof I accomplished this feat. I'll provide it, but only as reward if you can prove I didn't do it. Remember, I made everything, including your memories. You have not actually done anything you remember doing; it's all an implanted memory to give you the illusion of free will.

Be good, convert the masses, and praise me once in a while, huh? I'll be watching.

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Why don't they just Occupy Washington?

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By now you're aware that I'm the mastermind behind the Occupy Movement. I've agitated for years about unfairness and hypocrisy, especially when it comes from the people who are supposed to be running the country, until finally someone even braver than myself decided to go Occupy Wall Street and brought all his newly homeless friends with him. The movement spread all over the country, to every major city, until today we have people who are tired of the protests whining, "Why don't they just go Occupy Washington DC? Why does it have to be all over the country?"

This, of course, shows a frightening unwillingness to think without the TV news providing their opinion for them (followed up by denial of such).

Why don't the millions of Americans who are fed up with money polluting politics and the growing boldness with which the country is raped just go march on Washington DC? Simple, really.



First, we're talking about the newly homeless here. People who have had their jobs shipped overseas through no fault of their own, who've had their houses stolen from them, who can't afford to feed themselves or their kids. Just how exactly are these people supposed to GET TO Washington? Walk? Have you ever tried to walk 500 miles, or 500 more? It's not fun, even when you have a really good reason. (It's all I can do to walk about 15-20 miles a week and I'm healthier than 90% of you reading this.) I can't afford to go march on Washington, and neither can the majority of protesters. They're doing all they can to get food to eat.

Second, not counting armed revolts, no "movement" which focused on one city ever amounted to anything. This is a NATIONAL CRISIS, folks. It's a problem which can only be solved by one of three things: armed revolt, Constitutional Convention, or for those who deem themselves our lords to willingly abdicate their thrones. I think we can safely say that willing abdication will NEVER take place without the threat of armed revolt targeting those who need to step down (because historically speaking, fear of mob justice is the ONLY reason it's ever happened), so unless you want to become an ill-named Tea Party enthusiast advocating such things, that leaves the Constitutional Convention.

How on Earth do you get one of those things going?

It's a national event, something each state has to agitate for, and we need something like 38 out of the 50 states to agree to it. You don't get that kind of mass appeal by marching on one lousy city which really needs a second reason to glow in the dark to get rid of the rot. You have to get in people's faces, you have to show them that there IS a problem which CANNOT BE SOLVED by simply rolling over and letting the Koch brothers and the Freddie/Fannie monopolies keep raping you, hoping they'll get bored and stop. They won't. It's what they live for.

If you don't want to do anything to help yourself, that's okay with me, but don't complain about the economy or Congress or the excessive police-state we're getting into or the high prices or skyrocketing inflation or anything else, and don't tell me I can't take charge of my life and try to set my country right. As Carl Schurz said, "My country, right or wrong. When right to be kept right and when wrong to be put right."

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Brighten up, Girlfriend

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Hey everyone, nice to see you all again, plus some shiny new faces this year! January is shaping up to set another record, thanks to you.

My friend Lacey Chabert was desperately in need of help. She recently posted up an awful looking picture and no one stepped up to bail out her poor photographer, who faces the possibility of getting kicked out of the family for the goof. Luckily this kind of thing can be recovered pretty easily. After I fixed it, I noticed it turned out MUCH better than a lot of the pictures I fix for my family, so I thought I'd share the process with you AND save everyone's fave girl from the hassle of editing her Christmas card list.

I'm no Photoshopping genius, I'm just a guy who can adjust some sliders on readily available photo enhancement software to make pictures look better. I'll be using a program called ACDSee Pro, but this kind of functionality is available in most photo editing software, and some of it is even free or comes with your camera!

One key piece of advice to all you budding photographers that I had to learn the hard way when I screwed up some really important pictures when I first got a digital camera: be sure to use a flash when indoors, because the camera thinks it's a lot darker inside than you do. Your eyes adjust, a camera lens doesn't. Though most photos can be recovered to some degree, many can't, and few turn out this good. Best to just use the flash.

Okay, so check this out, guys:

Final Photo: We got lucky here.
The colors are vibrant! It's just
like being there for realsies!
Read on to see how this happened.

Original Photo: Much too dark,
all details are hidden.
(As always, click to embiggenate)

Overdone Photo: It's too bright
and grainy. This is what you
usually get from this process.
It's better than nothing!

How did we get such a fantastic result? Check these out!

First we go to Process, then Edit, then Lighting, and see this. These sliders
each affect a certain light tone range, kind of like the equalizer on a stereo.

Let's adjust sliders! Wheeeeeeeee!!!

...Preferably the correct ones. But don't sweat it, you can undo.

A little experimenting to see what does what.

Don't be afraid to experiment; all Human progress depends on it. 

It's amazing what you can find out by trying new things!

I'll swear with my dying breath (which might be sooner than you think if
Lacey gets a hold of me), IT'S NOT DANDRUFF!! (I think. I wasn't there.)

So there you have it.

If I really wanted to get fancy, I could blend together some of the pixels on Lacey's coat to get rid of the washouts, maybe added some sharpness or some blur and then pulled a few other processing tricks, but I didn't want to spend that much time on it before her check cleared.

And even though ACDSee isn't paying me to say this (though they should), I highly recommend you get ACDSee. It's primarily a photo manager, and it makes finding, sorting, organizing, and displaying your pictures very easy. It also lets you do some basic editing and processing too, but not quite to the Photoshop level. I've used it for many years, and consequently can't stand the built-in picture display thingy built into Windows. ACDSee has spoiled me. You don't have to get the Pro version, the regular version will let you adjust light levels and do pretty much anything you can think of to a picture, but the Pro version lets you feel special for having paid more for it.

So, all's right with the world. You all now know to use the flash on your cameras and what to do if you forget. Lacey finally gets to see her valuable family picture as it was meant to be seen. Her photographer gets out of hot water. And we here at Mopjockey.com had the pleasure to entertain you, as we do from time to time.

Check out our Facebook page (and hit the LIKE button, huh? it's only fair), or sign up to follow through Google/Blogspot on the left side of the page, or add yourself as a follower on Twitter, which we just got around to adding. And leave a comment somewhere if you want to see more articles like this.

BTW, li'l sis, call me when you have a minute. Got my new number? Same as the old number.

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Mandatory Driver Education

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As a friend drove me somewhere the other day, I noticed that she didn't know how to drive properly. This person used to be an accident investigator for the US Postal Service; she knew just about everything there was to know about trucks without having driven one, and yet, she was driving very discourteously around them as well as other cars. I was surprised to see her blocking up traffic, riding bumpers, riding catacorner to people in their blind spots at highway speeds (what I call "clipping"), and using an inconsistent speed which meant she got in everyone's way.

Of course, she's hardly the only offender. I constantly see people driving like they're idiots, getting in my way, and otherwise flirting with disaster. Thank God I'm a better driver than almost anyone! I have evaded being in several accidents in the past 20-some years since I've had a license, and so I thought I'd offer a few driving tips so you can learn them and then lord them over your buddies the way kids nag their parents to wear their seatbelts.

After I castigated her, I wrote these 8 Simple Rules for Driving on my Road:

Rule #1: If you want to drive faster than me, please do it BEFORE I pass you, not during and not after.

Rule #2: If you want to pass me, please continue to drive faster than me. I don't want you flying past me, then getting in front of me and slowing down, then speeding up again when I move over to pass you. Cruise control is your friend.

Rule #3: Never, ever sit next to another vehicle for longer than 5-10 seconds. If that means you have to speed up to pass them, do it! Sitting next to someone, especially a big truck, is inviting disaster and it's damned rude to do, nevermind that you're blocking traffic.

Rule #4: If you're not turning or changing lanes, turn your turn signal off. And if you are going to turn or change lanes in dense traffic, turn it on!

Rule #5: Turn your stupid radio down! No one wants to hear it. Especially at the gas station, where we're afraid the pounding is going to damage the underground gasoline tanks and set off an explosion.

Rule #6: When you're trying to get on the highway, you have my permission to use the entire length of the ramp and the acceleration lane to get up to speed and merge safely. It is no longer required that you either merge into the highway at 30 below the speed limit and then speed up, or come to a stop at the intersection and wait for three miles of clear before you merge. (Unless you live in Pennsylvania.)

Rule #7: When you're trying to get off the highway, it is not necessary to whiz past me and get off at the last possible second, nearly knocking me off the road just because you felt you had to get in front of me. Just slow down, wait that one extra second, and then get in the deceleration lane from behind me. There is no prize for getting to the road before I pass under the bridge.

Rule #8: Do NOT put on makeup while you are driving, ladies! Especially do not use that eyeliner pencil which WILL poke your eye out if you hit a crack in the road. When you're at a light, I'll tolerate it, as long as I'm not stuck behind you when the light turns green. (This means you, Jenny!)

That's it. Do those simple little things and you will cause and be in fewer accidents, and you will also save yourself and everyone around you a lot of unneeded stress and even a little cash on your gasoline bill.

What rules of the road would you like to see?

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Fearmongering Scientists

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You know how, later this year, the world is going to end on December 21, 2012? Today between 11:00 and 12:00 I heard Astronomer Phil Plait on WHYY internet radio trying to convince us all that it's just not true.

First, he used flimsy arguments to dismiss the arrival of the planet Nibiru, AKA Planet X, which will collide with Earth on that fateful day. According to Dr. Plait, any planet bound by the Sun's gravity (he doesn't explicitly say this, but it's what he meant) which was going to collide with Earth within the next year would be near the orbit of Mars and because of its size (4 times that of Earth) it would be brighter in the sky than Jupiter, which at the moment is easily visible near the moon as a very bright star. He further asserts that such a massive object would have disrupted the orbits of Earth, Mars, and other planets by now with its gravity, something which he says isn't happening.

However, Plait plainly has no idea what he's talking about!

Hello? Reality calling Dr. Phil? Aren't you forgetting something rather important?


Isn't the Solar system a THREE DIMENSIONAL construct? Aren't there things orbiting outside the Ecliptic plane (the plane in which the Earth orbits the Sun)? Isn't it possible that all the telescopes are looking in the wrong place? Couldn't Nibiru be orbiting at an angle oriented -450 degrees from the Ecliptic, and therefore not be where we expect to find it? And if it were there, wouldn't it have a much smaller effect on the planets' orbits, because it was much farther from them? Nibiru doesn't need to collide with the Earth to destroy it, it merely needs to whip past the Sun very quickly, which means it can be traveling far faster than it would otherwise need to if it were going to collide with Earth. Faster speed means it's further still from the distance needed to affect other planets. And maybe they have their cloaking device engaged, the same one Captain Kirk stole from the Romulans.

Simple explanations, really man. You're not fooling anyone.

The self-admitted Bad Astronomer goes on to protest that the increasing activity levels of the Sun have nothing to do with the end of the world. It has been predicted by some that a giant Solar flare will swallow the Earth, burning it to a crisp. Plait dismisses these by claiming there is some sort of cycle to the Sun's activity and that it will reach its peak in 2013 and 2014.

Hello? Even if the Sun wasn't as steady as the day God made it, do you not realize that the Solar Max is merely an average of a prediction, little different than Hurricane Season here on Earth, and that giant solar flares CAN and DO occur at any time, not just during Solar Max, in the same way that hurricanes can and do form outside Hurricane Season?

Really, man, you're being ridiculous here.

And don't you think that if a giant planet whips around the Sun at high speed, making a very close approach, that it might CAUSE giant solar flares?

Plait then goes on to dismiss hurricanes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters which could easily be proven to be caused by the gravitational effects of a giant, invisible planet closing in on us at warp speed, claiming that the millions of scientists around the world who know of this could NOT be coopted or threatened to keep their mouths shut by the MIB, Illuminati, and other government stooges who are hiding the TRUTH that Kennedy was assassinated by Yetis fighting for Tibetan independence.

Yeah, right, Phil. Tell me another one.

Worst of all, Plait then tries to put the burden of proof on those who make what he calls "outlandish claims". First he calls them whackos, then expects them to act in a logical and mature fashion by WORKING to prove something which can be easily seen as the truth with the application of just a little imagination and no small dollop of heroin.

Phil, Phil, Phil. What am I going to do with you? I'll bet you expect your children to show their work on their math homework to "prove" they understand how to get the answer. I'll bet you expect your children to speak English in your house. I'll even bet that at one time you expected your children to appreciate all you've done for them. How cruel and selfish of you. The world doesn't need adults who are capable of rational thought, nor those capable of taking responsibility for themselves! What the world needs is more heroes like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian and Snooki. It needs people who willingly, EAGERLY believe every con job the television and the internet sell them. Really, Phil, how do you expect the super-rich to continue to oppress us if we suddenly realized how ridiculous it was to believe they have our best interests at heart while they're robbing us blind?

What really took the cake for me, personally, as a pseudo-journalist who often invents sensational news stories in an effort to get people to click on my ads so I can make some money off their panic, is that he would interfere in the right of someone to seek a certain, relatively painless death for themselves or their children instead of waiting to see if the prognostications come to pass and possibly suffering a horrible death from being flung into space when the Earth's rotation comes to a sudden halt. Nibiru will be easily observed and its effects felt months before the end. If someone's brain is so defective that they can't stand to wait for the inescapable truth one way or the other, and choose to endure eternal damnation by killing themselves instead of letting God do it at the time of His choosing, then the gene pool will be that much cleaner when the survivors try to rebuild society.

The end is so obviously nigh, Phil Plait, Bad Astronomer. The "proof" you seek is coming. Will you keep denying it with your "rationality" four days later just because Santa Claus visited your house? I'll bet you will.

You're going to be awfully embarrassed when the world ends and you tried to keep people calm and realistic. There's no place for that sort of thing on this planet or any other. I suppose next he'll be telling us the world is warming up and the polar bears are dying off because there's no longer enough ice at the North Pole to block the Northwest Passage.

I will pray for your soul in the coming apocalypse, Phil.
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Two of my Weight Loss Secrets

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Depending on what my "frame size" is - that is, whether I'm big-boned, small-boned, or in the middle - the supposed ideal weight for a man of my height is 155, 165, or 175 pounds. When I was at my peak weight of 260 pounds - not really all that fat compared to a lot of people, especially most truckers - I said to myself that I needed to lose 100 pounds, mostly because it was a nice round number which was close enough to the truth. I dropped 56 pounds the first year without any serious effort, but then the weight held steady, and what's worse, I decided to stop driving, mostly because I was tired of getting ripped off by my company, but also because I wanted to put the finishing touches on my novel and then get it sold. I'd need a lot of time to study up on how to do all that, and driving (especially without getting paid for it) was wasting that time.

So consequently, I started regaining some of the weight I'd lost. I knew what the problem was: I was starting to over eat and my activity level had gone down. Finally, I managed to get it under control by making some minor changes to my diet and my behavior and the weight started falling off again. Then we took a trip out west and I stopped the diet, thinking we'd be extra active to make up for it.

Tip: Don't take trips with people who can't walk more than 2 miles in a day and who want to start the day at 9:00 and give up on the day at 4:00. You won't see much and you won't lose much weight from activity. I expected the guy twice my age and weight to cause a problem, but not the guy half my age and weight.

But anyway, I regained about 15 pounds in just those 3 weeks, so I had to drop them again.


The morning of Christmas Eve was a Saturday, and was the day I allow myself to eat anything. And I do. I really need to employ a little more self-restraint, especially since I'm so good at it the rest of the week, but so far I haven't been able to do it very much. But anyway, Saturday mornings, before I pig out, are the time of the week I weigh the least. I've had all week to eat right and get in my exercise and such, and hopefully take care of my bathroom business before the weigh-in and before the eating contest.

My weight was down to 190, which means I was down a total of 70 pounds from my peak at 260. Sure, I'd lost about half of those pounds several times, but at least it was easy to do once I got back into my routine. A few weeks ago I bought some new pants at size 34, a size I haven't worn since high school - about 20 years. Everyone who hasn't seen me in a while says I'm skinny and don't need to lose more weight. I look at myself in the mirror and I look a lot better, but I still need to knock several more pounds off. I still haven't fully committed to a real body-building workout yet, but at least my walking levels have held steady or increased.At least I know that if I can find a way to make a habit of working out the way I've made a habit of eating right and walking, then I'll be able to do it just as easily.

Ok, so you're caught up on that particular soap opera of my life, and it's high time I tell you about those secrets I promised.

On Saturday, I typically eat a lot of chocolate and cookies and other stuff. I can put on anywhere from 5 to 10 pounds over the course of the day, but it's almost all water because I'm drinking a lot of extra water to keep myself hydrated. During the week I drink about half a gallon a day, maybe a little more, but on Saturday I typically drink about a full gallon. A gallon of water is 8 pounds. During the week, I - pardon any crudity - pee a lot. I seem to get rid of as much water as I bring in. But on Saturday, although I'm drinking more water, I'm in the bathroom less, and when I am in there, my pee isn't as mildly yellow as it is during the week. Mild yellow means it's mostly water, which means I'm drinking the right amount of water. Faint yellow or nearly clear means too much water, and deeper yellow means not enough water. If it's REALLY yellow, you REALLY need to drink some water!

I also noticed, while I was scarfing down some of those Reese's Christmas trees that I was not just drinking a lot of extra water as I lost nearly all self-control, but I was actually feeling VERY thirsty as I did so. It was then I realized, this was NOT the first time that had happened. I'm almost always thirsty on Saturday, particularly after eating a lot of sugar.

Well, the ingredients list has a lot of sugar, of course, but there's also a lot of sodium, which is essentially salt. Salt in your body retains water, which means the rest of your body isn't getting enough water, even if you drink a lot of it. It also means you're gaining weight. Every glass of water is a pound, and if you're not peeing it out, you're getting heavy and bloated. For a guy my size, it's not noticeable, but if you're a hot chick, or even a mostly in shape gal, you don't want to be holding on to all that water because it will make your slinky dresses a lot tighter and your face pudgier. And if you're in the military or you work at Hooters and have to do regular weigh-ins, all that water you're retaining will count against you.

The simple solution is to LAY OFF THE SODIUM! And the sugar, too, as I'm convinced it's a large part of the problem.

I've also noticed that on Sunday I don't lose the weight; it's not until my long walk Monday that I start to lose it, and that's because I'm sweating it out. Salt apparently doesn't leave your body through your bladder, it leaves through your sweat glands, so if you never work up a good sweat, you'll be holding on to that water for a few days.

So Secret #1 is: sugar and salt make you gain weight by making you retain water. And if you think you can be clever and drink something else, like pop or Gatorade, it's WATER your body needs, and those things don't contain enough of it, so you have to drink MORE, which means you're also adding a LOT of CALORIES. Water has no calories. Water helps you burn calories, if you have enough of it in you. Therefore avoid sugar and salt.

And Secret #2 is: once you eat salt, you can't get rid of it except by sweating it out, and this takes a bit of time and a lot of people don't enjoy the process of sweating unless the opposite sex is involved. But sweating IS a good way to get rid of the other salt your other food contains and which you can't avoid. Walking for a couple hours twice a week should do it, and I don't mean casually strolling. Sweat! Obviously you'll sweat more in warm weather than cold, but you don't want to sweat too much in the cold and then get sick, so practice and find what's best for you.

I guess I'm lucky in that my weekly diet is very low salt and low calorie. Even though I'm walking only 15-20 miles a week every other day, I'm still losing a pound or two every week... well, 6-12 pounds a week, but measured on Saturday mornings it's a pound or two. If you're not doing that, you'll have to be a lot more careful about the junk you're eating. Don't be especially surprised if dropping the pounds from that cake is hard; you're probably not drinking enough water and active enough to sweat it out, and you're probably eating a lot of other crap that's clogging things up too.

But hey, that's what you wanted to do. I've given you solid advice in the past, including the book which helped me finally get myself mostly under control, and I've also shown you that it works, so don't blame me. It's not too late. You can still do what I'm doing. Heck, you'll probably be better at it than me!

But you have to try it first.

.

Merry Christmas!

Tweet.

Depending on what my "frame size" is - that is, whether I'm big-boned, small-boned, or in the middle - the supposed ideal weight for a man of my height is 155, 165, or 175 pounds. When I was at my peak weight of 260 pounds - not really all that fat compared to a lot of people, especially most truckers - I said to myself that I needed to lose 100 pounds, mostly because it was a nice round number which was close enough to the truth. I dropped 56 pounds the first year without any serious effort, but then the weight held steady, and what's worse, I decided to stop driving, mostly because I was tired of getting ripped off by my company, but also because I wanted to put the finishing touches on my novel and then get it sold. I'd need a lot of time to study up on how to do all that, and driving (especially without getting paid for it) was wasting that time.

So consequently, I started regaining some of the weight I'd lost. I knew what the problem was: I was starting to over eat and my activity level had gone down. Finally, I managed to get it under control by making some minor changes to my diet and my behavior and the weight started falling off again. Then we took a trip out west and I stopped the diet, thinking we'd be extra active to make up for it.

Tip: Don't take trips with people who can't walk more than 2 miles in a day and who want to start the day at 9:00 and give up on the day at 4:00. You won't see much and you won't lose much weight from activity. I expected the guy twice my age and weight to cause a problem, but not the guy half my age and weight.

But anyway, I regained about 15 pounds in just those 3 weeks, so I had to drop them again.


The morning of Christmas Eve was a Saturday, and was the day I allow myself to eat anything. And I do. I really need to employ a little more self-restraint, especially since I'm so good at it the rest of the week, but so far I haven't been able to do it very much. But anyway, Saturday mornings, before I pig out, are the time of the week I weigh the least. I've had all week to eat right and get in my exercise and such, and hopefully take care of my bathroom business before the weigh-in and before the eating contest.

My weight was down to 190, which means I was down a total of 70 pounds from my peak at 260. Sure, I'd lost about half of those pounds several times, but at least it was easy to do once I got back into my routine. A few weeks ago I bought some new pants at size 34, a size I haven't worn since high school - about 20 years. Everyone who hasn't seen me in a while says I'm skinny and don't need to lose more weight. I look at myself in the mirror and I look a lot better, but I still need to knock several more pounds off. I still haven't fully committed to a real body-building workout yet, but at least my walking levels have held steady or increased.At least I know that if I can find a way to make a habit of working out the way I've made a habit of eating right and walking, then I'll be able to do it just as easily.

Ok, so you're caught up on that particular soap opera of my life, and it's high time I tell you about those secrets I promised.

On Saturday, I typically eat a lot of chocolate and cookies and other stuff. I can put on anywhere from 5 to 10 pounds over the course of the day, but it's almost all water because I'm drinking a lot of extra water to keep myself hydrated. During the week I drink about half a gallon a day, maybe a little more, but on Saturday I typically drink about a full gallon. A gallon of water is 8 pounds. During the week, I - pardon any crudity - pee a lot. I seem to get rid of as much water as I bring in. But on Saturday, although I'm drinking more water, I'm in the bathroom less, and when I am in there, my pee isn't as mildly yellow as it is during the week. Mild yellow means it's mostly water, which means I'm drinking the right amount of water. Faint yellow or nearly clear means too much water, and deeper yellow means not enough water. If it's REALLY yellow, you REALLY need to drink some water!

I also noticed, while I was scarfing down some of those Reese's Christmas trees that I was not just drinking a lot of extra water as I lost nearly all self-control, but I was actually feeling VERY thirsty as I did so. It was then I realized, this was NOT the first time that had happened. I'm almost always thirsty on Saturday, particularly after eating a lot of sugar.

Well, the ingredients list has a lot of sugar, of course, but there's also a lot of sodium, which is essentially salt. Salt in your body retains water, which means the rest of your body isn't getting enough water, even if you drink a lot of it. It also means you're gaining weight. Every glass of water is a pound, and if you're not peeing it out, you're getting heavy and bloated. For a guy my size, it's not noticeable, but if you're a hot chick, or even a mostly in shape gal, you don't want to be holding on to all that water because it will make your slinky dresses a lot tighter and your face pudgier. And if you're in the military or you work at Hooters and have to do regular weigh-ins, all that water you're retaining will count against you.

The simple solution is to LAY OFF THE SODIUM! And the sugar, too, as I'm convinced it's a large part of the problem.

I've also noticed that on Sunday I don't lose the weight; it's not until my long walk Monday that I start to lose it, and that's because I'm sweating it out. Salt apparently doesn't leave your body through your bladder, it leaves through your sweat glands, so if you never work up a good sweat, you'll be holding on to that water for a few days.

So Secret #1 is: sugar and salt make you gain weight by making you retain water. And if you think you can be clever and drink something else, like pop or Gatorade, it's WATER your body needs, and those things don't contain enough of it, so you have to drink MORE, which means you're also adding a LOT of CALORIES. Water has no calories. Water helps you burn calories, if you have enough of it in you. Therefore avoid sugar and salt.

And Secret #2 is: once you eat salt, you can't get rid of it except by sweating it out, and this takes a bit of time and a lot of people don't enjoy the process of sweating unless the opposite sex is involved. But sweating IS a good way to get rid of the other salt your other food contains and which you can't avoid. Walking for a couple hours twice a week should do it, and I don't mean casually strolling. Sweat! Obviously you'll sweat more in warm weather than cold, but you don't want to sweat too much in the cold and then get sick, so practice and find what's best for you.

I guess I'm lucky in that my weekly diet is very low salt and low calorie. Even though I'm walking only 15-20 miles a week every other day, I'm still losing a pound or two every week... well, 6-12 pounds a week, but measured on Saturday mornings it's a pound or two. If you're not doing that, you'll have to be a lot more careful about the junk you're eating. Don't be especially surprised if dropping the pounds from that cake is hard; you're probably not drinking enough water and active enough to sweat it out, and you're probably eating a lot of other crap that's clogging things up too.

But hey, that's what you wanted to do. I've given you solid advice in the past, including the book which helped me finally get myself mostly under control, and I've also shown you that it works, so don't blame me. It's not too late. You can still do what I'm doing. Heck, you'll probably be better at it than me!

But you have to try it first.

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We're Better than Bacon

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You guys remember the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon thing that was going around a few years ago? As the theory goes, we're all separated from each other by no more than six people. That's kind of like saying that one of my friends and one of your friends has a third friend in common who can complete the link between us and introduce us to each other, no matter who you and I are.

This was based on some research done nearly a century ago by asking people to hand-deliver parcels.

The BBC recently publicized a report that Facebook had analyzed their users' friendships and found that there were LESS than six degrees separating us all. There are a little less than FOUR. That's a lot like saying you and I probably have a friend in common, or at least we each have a friend who knows one of the other's friends.

How did they figure this all out?

If you read the article I linked above, they'll tell you what they did, but I think they made a serious error.

They factored out the celebrity pages, which was smart, but did they factor out all the "FB-friends" people have?

There are a LOT of people who have a LOT of "friends" they don't actually know because nearly all FB games encourage their players to get additional friends to play. Most FB-gamers don't have many ACTUAL friends, and the ones they do have don't want to play the same games, or are tired of being assaulted by game requests. (I know I am.) So they go looking for strangers who are already playing the game and "friend" them. Both people will now be rewarded within the game they play.

On top of that, some people with a lot of ACTUAL friends don't want all those game-related posts and stuff cluttering up their profiles and pissing off their actual friends, so they create a second, game-only account with which they friend anyone and everyone. Many of these accounts bump into the 5000 friend limit.

5000 friends? There may be a handful of people who actually know that many people personally, but most of us can only handle about 50-300 actual friends. There's a hard-wired limit in most humans of about 150 friendships. You may know more people than that, but you're physically unable to maintain a meaningful relationship with them. Think about the people in your life; with how many do you maintain regular, meaningful contact? And how many are merely "acquaintances", or some lower level of familiarity? (Hint: if you don't know where they live and you don't have a standing invitation to come to their house any time you want, and you don't see them more often than once a week, they're not a friend, they're at best an acquaintance.)

If you're at the normal human max of 150 friends, probably no more than 1/4 to 1/3 of them use Facebook, meaning you've got 35-50 legitimate friends on Facebook. You've probably got double or triple that in acquaintances from work or your childhood you hardly spend any time with. These numbers jibe well with my experience, so we'll assume they're somewhat reasonable.

The BBC article states that in the test, the average number of friends each user had was 100. Above, though, we used the human max of 150. The average would be about half that, or 75, which means our other numbers are also cut in half. That means by OUR figuring, a person has 20-25 actual friends and 25-50 acquaintances, for a total average of about 60 people. This is about half what FB says is the average, so either there is rampant FB-friending for games going on (definitely true) or our numbers are off (easily possible), or, most likely, some combination of the two.

But let's say our numbers ARE right. What happens when OUR numbers are LESS THAN Facebook's numbers? The number of degrees goes UP. Fewer people means fewer links, means it takes more steps for one person to reach another.

The article also kindly stated some numbers from three years ago when there were fewer Facebook users. There were still plenty of Facebook games, which means there were still plenty of fake friends and fake accounts for playing those games, but not as many. I've only been on Facebook for a short time, but to my knowledge, the FB gaming boom happened just before I got there.

What that means is their old number is likely to be MUCH closer to the truth than their new number. That is, 4.28 is much more likely to be the actual number than 3.74 is, and I'd feel comfortable wagering that the actual number is higher still. Maybe 4.5. Maybe even as high as 5. That wouldn't surprise me.

What do you think? Share your opinion now.

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Dead in a Year

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What would you do if you knew you had only one year left to live? Would you muster up the guts to tell the girl (or guy) of your dreams how you felt? Would you tell your boss to shove it? Would you tell your false friends to find someone else to leech off of? Would you travel the world, do things you always wanted to do, but couldn't because you were afraid to or couldn't afford to?

Well now's your chance to find out what you'd do because in one year it will be December 21st, 2012, the day the world ends. Watch out, because there will probably be a lot of other people with less moral restraint than you or I doing all kinds of crazy things. Just in case one of them keeps you from seeing the end of the world, allow me to share with you how it might end.


As far as I know, I was the first to start talking about the "zombie apocalypse" which will strike when the Mayan calendar ends in one year, but the term has become pretty popular lately. You probably thought it was a joke, or that there's no such thing as zombies, but it was NOT a joke and there ARE zombies, and these zombies ARE going to destroy the world in a year's time.

At least, they're going to try.

How could this possibly happen? Well first we need to know a tiny bit of history and the factors which created the current zombie breeding environment.

1. In recent years, the people of America have become incredibly complacent. The end of the Cold War gave us a feeling of invulnerability; we were the sole remaining superpower and the greatest force in Human history, so who would dare piss us off? Add to that the wild success of the first Iraq war, and we started to believe we were infallible. You can see the effects of this in the second Iraq war when the whole world labeled us a rogue nation and we still went into Iraq. We just didn't care what the world said, because we KNEW Iraq was giving WMDs to terrorists.

2. TV programming has gotten steadily dumber. More and more, we celebrate those who are stupid and superficial and of horrid moral character and those who have NO character. Since when does a Kardashian matter? Never. Since when do a bunch of fakes on Jersey Shore matter? Never. Whose life is so lame that Brad Pitt's wishy-washiness matters? No one's. But these are the things being put on our TVs, and even our so-called learning channels are infested with dreck "reality" shows.

3. Mainstream news sources have denounced all journalistic ethics. The result is that when they're not fabricating the news, they're "reporting" on things which don't matter and ignoring things which do matter. A lot of hot air is blown about the "liberal media" and the "conservative media", but that's not what's really going on. The only time a rich person gets in trouble on the news is when another rich person wants them to be in trouble, and the only time a worthy cause gets coverage is when a rich person will profit from it. The OWS "coverage" is merely the latest and greatest example of misreporting and non-reporting. The only way to get actual news is through the internet.

4. The internet is being shackled and soon we will not have access to the only remaining source of truth and unedited information. That's not to say the internet isn't still a wild land full of disinformation, but at least it's POSSIBLE to get ACTUAL news from the internet if you're willing to look for it. You CAN'T do it on the TV, nor in the newspaper, because those are ALL owned by 3 men who have the same agenda: enslaving you. Once they've regained control of the internet, they will again have 100% control over the information you have access to. Good luck making informed decisions!

5. One political party is unabashedly abusing God's word to push its agenda. They make all the noises that a Christian does, and do all the things a Christian does... at least in public. Privately, they commit every crime imaginable, from adultery to drunken driving to stealing from the poor to advocating violence against Americans to bald-faced lying when they get caught red handed. And because they profess so strongly to be believers in Christ, too many believe their lies and they get away with murder. (Literally, in many cases.)

6. Education has become criminal. It used to be illegal to educate a woman. It used to be illegal to educate a negro. We can already see the beginnings of making it illegal to educate the poor. High-quality public education is what made this country great and helped it stay great for so long, but that's going away. First there was a backlash against certain subjects, like Evolution, and trying to replace it with nonscience nonsense. Then there was a complete lack of quality public education, and our children are becoming dumber by the minute. Now there's a movement to eliminate public education altogether and completely privatize the education industry, which will completely deny education to the poor and middle class. Education is the cornerstone of freedom. Without it, you are either a slave or a dead slave.

7. Surge of non-issues and cultivating of irrational hatreds. We spend so much time and energy on insignificant "issues" that we can't see the real problems which are CAUSING all those problems. Is it REALLY the end of the world if we give equal pay for equal work? Is it REALLY the end of the world if we collectively pay for a highway and then some of us use it more than others? Is it REALLY the end of the world if we keep government OUT of the bedroom? Is it REALLY the end of the world if someone uses the word "tar-baby" as a synonym for "quagmire"? Do we REALLY have to threaten violence to all who disagree with us? And because we make no headway in any of these issues, when faced with REAL issues, like the pandemic levels of corruption and treason our elected officials and corporate leaders display, we feel completely powerless to do anything about it, and so we let them continue to get away with it. We barely even notice the rape any more.

8. False Christians confuse and incite Christians to commit acts of violence and hate against each other. We complain a lot about how corrupt and violent Islam and Judeaism are, but they don't hold a candle to what an entire political party has done to foster its unholy agenda. It boggles my mind the evil being committed against our fellow Americans under the guise of Christianity when the Bible very clearly states we should love one another. The New Testament - Jesus' teachings - are the most important part of the Bible. Jesus taught forgiveness and peace and doing what is right. He did NOT teach that we should be slaves, or lie, or shoot Congresswomen for the convenience of whores from Alaska. Really, folks, if you believed in the Bible, I'm pretty sure you'd be noticing that the Anti-Christ is here.

9. There is very little will to protest unfairness. America was FOUNDED upon protesting unfairness. It's in our blood to fight against oppression. And yet, we've been subjugated from within. No one wants to rock the boat. No one wants to risk the ire of the Republican party because they'll take away your job and your home and your health care and your social security. Guess what? They're doing that anyway. You literally have NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE. And yet you still let them rape you.

10. There are entirely too many secret laws and laws which invalidate the Constitution's protection of civil rights. And if you think a lawyer can still protect you, think again. "Justice" is available only to the rich now.

Combine together these factors and many more I didn't have space to mention and you have a breeding ground for mindless zombies who can't think for themselves and who will simply do what their masters tell them to do through the TV news and "reality" shows.

You don't believe me? Then you've been turned into a zombie.

With the unprecedented levels of greed exhibited by the 1%, not only are the poor being robbed, but that's not enough and they're robbing the middle class too. Regular, hard-working Americans, who were doing everything they were told that a good American should do to be successful, are having their livelihoods stolen from them. They worked harder and got less at the end of the day. When you've had your house repossessed and you're living on the street, you don't have the TV or the lamestream media clouding your judgment. You snap out of the zombification process and you start protesting what was done to you.

As the numbers of de-zombified people grows, so too do the protests around the country and around the world. Those in power are getting more and more nervous that the free ride is over and all their illusions will come crashing down. But they're not going to give up without a fight. Evil NEVER lays down and quits.

Instead of realizing they've overstepped their bounds and apologizing like a proper, honorable person would do, they're telling their hoards of zombies to attack the people who have escaped their programming. You see it on the "news" all the time. The talking heads first ignored the OWS movement, then when that didn't work they told obvious lies about it, and when that didn't work they've ordered the police to start physically assaulting them without provocation or justification.

As the election cycle begins, it promises to shatter all previous records of corruption - BILLIONS of dollars have already been spent to buy the elections this year, and BILLIONS MORE will be spent next year. Why exactly are we allowing our "free" elections to be bought? Remember that, it's important.

Over the course of next year, tensions between the still-powerful zombies and the growing de-zombified will increase, and the only thing which will hold them back will be the completely irrational belief that come election time in November, something useful will happen and the treasonous ones will be voted out and honest people will be voted in. In the next six weeks, as America realizes not only that they have AGAIN had their elections stolen and AGAIN put more traitors in office, and that these new people will REFUSE to correct the real problems facing this country because they are afraid to go against the people who bought their office for them, the dam will burst and the oppressed people will do what oppressed people have always done when they have nothing left to lose.

The puppet masters won't stand for that, and will cause blood to flow.

It might even reach John Titor proportions, which is to say a civil war will break out and we will ask Russia to nuke some of our cities to end the war. It'll be like Wierd Al Yankovick's song, Christmas at Ground Zero, except it won't be funny, it won't be accidental, and it won't happen on Christmas, it will happen four days before: December 21st.

And all this because the super-rich thought they needed 100% of the money instead of only their fair share.

It doesn't have to be that way, of course. There are many ways to stop it, though counting on the greedy to do what's ultimately in their best interests - treat people with respect - doesn't seem to be one of them. And relying on Congress to stop sucking at the teats of the rich for five seconds to represent their ACTUAL constituents doesn't seem to be in the cards either. The best option other than a Tea Party-esque armed assault on Washington DC to head off a far worse apocalypse would be to create a Constitutional Convention in each of the 50 states (not 57, Mr. Prez) in which we create an Amendment stating some rather important things that must be changed.

1. Corporations are tools, no different than hammers and cars, and as such their owners and the people entrusted to running them are responsible for their crimes. Like cars and hammers, corporations are not people and are not allowed to be used to influence politics in any way.

2. Money is not speech. No individual may donate more than $100 to a political campaign. No organization may donate value to one campaign without also donating equal value to all campaigns. (Frex, a TV station cannot pick and choose whose ads it runs, it must run everyone's or no one's.)

3. Any candidate who can gather signatures from at least 1% of the voters in a voting district is hereby an official candidate. In multiple-district elections (such as for President), a candidate who gets his 1% in at least 50% of the districts (states) is automatically to be added to all others upon his request of that district (state). All official candidates are to be allotted equal time/money/value in televised debates and campaigning. This is to be part of the charter of a TV station or network.

4. At no time will a candidate be allowed to receive a contribution anonymously. All contributions must be documented. The entire process must be above board and transparent to public scrutiny. No contributions can come from foreign sources.

5. If Congress plays chicken with the budget or the economy, all members who had any part in it will immediately be tried for treason.

6. All special benefits Congress voted for themselves, such as their retirement fund, their health care, and their exemption from the law, are null and void. All Congress members past and present who voted for such things without the express consent of a majority of their constituents shall be tried for treason.

7. Congress shall be forbidden from owning stock in any company or corporation because they are in a position to conduct insider trading and don't seem to have the self-restraint required not to do it. Any Congress member who has profited from the laws they have made any more than the average American is to be tried for treason.

8. No elected official shall be exempt from laws pertaining to drunken driving, drug use, murder, or any other serious crime. Any official trying to coerce law enforcement from arresting or prosecuting them shall be tried for treason. (This seems to be a big problem with governors too.)

9. The President shall have a line-item veto power so that the absurd riders which get tacked on to most bills shall be kept from becoming law.

10. Judges shall not be appointed for life. Lifespans are much too long. No judicial appointment shall last longer than 20 years and no judge shall serve longer than 20 years.

11. Elected officials shall be subject to recall if more than 75% of their voters want it. (Passons do flare from time to time, and recalls shouldn't be subject to whims.)

12. Above all, elected officials are expected to act in a responsible manner toward the country and their office. Those who put anything besides their country first - including political party, corporation, or themselves - shall be tried for treason. We expect our military to be willing to die in service, the least an elected official can do is make a comparable sacrifice. Additionally, all large corporations are required to have as part of their charter the same basic requirements for responsibility toward the country which made you. We don't mind you being rich and influential, we mind you abusing that power. With great power comes great responsibility, and great punishments for not living up to it.


These are the kinds of changes America needs to avoid the coming zombie apocalypse. Will we have the guts to implement them before disaster strikes, or will be have to destroy everything we have first? One thing is for sure: if we don't overcome the slavery the super-rich are trying to impose on us now, we will never have the chance again.

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